Truth

I was looking for happiness

And I got lost along the way

I threw away my map

Crushed the compas beneath my shoe

And then as I explored

Unknown territory

I found you and I thought

Finally happiness is mine

But you called yourself Love

And I thought, why would you lie

I had gone in search of joy

And found love instead

You said you knew where happiness was

And that you would bring it to me

Rest your tired feet, you said

I'll be back before you know it

And now here I am, waiting

The golden sun burning my skin

And a bird that flew above me said

He found love of his own

And I asked the bird if you were lost to me

And it laughed and laughed and laughed

You came looking for one thing, you settled for another

And now you have nothing at all, it said

So I started my journey again

And I found Truth along the way

And unlike joy and love

It didn't cause me any pain

Instead Truth told me just how life is

That happiness and love

Were merely myths

We believed in to hide from the truth

So I took Truth's hand in mine

And we walked towards the horizon

A good companion through life's journey

It is all we ever need

Dead flowers

I won't lie
I do read my own poems
Not because I want to
Remind myself of all the words
I've strung together over time
But because sometimes
Especially after writing a poem
Labelled 'you'
I need reminding that
It's high time I changed the flowers in the vase
They are dead already
But I can't let go
I can't bear to accept that
It's time to get some
Fresh flowers
So I torture myself
I read all those words
Ignore the fiction
The made-up
And cling instead
To the tiny truths
Hidden between all those lines
And always
At some point I give up
I close the page
Stop reading the poems
And I think,
'Maybe tomorrow
I'll throw away these
Dead flowers'

But I never do.

Or maybe it's not meant to be...

When we are together

Your warm body next to mine

Close but not too close

A comfortable silence

Broken by smiles and words

Things of the past

Plans for the future

Jokes and teasing

When we are together

And I feel so happy

Because it’s suddenly as if

Nothing in life can go wrong

I wonder why we never became

Anything other than friends

Was it that we are both too afraid

Of losing what we already have

Or is it that no matter what we have between us

We will never have the kind of love

That is needed for that something more

I sometimes want from you?

Bridges

I always thought it was enough

To be the bridge

That takes you to the place

You want to go to

I thought it was enough

To be strong like

Bricks and cement

To be able to endure

Being stepped upon

Spat upon, littered on

I thought it was enough

To always be there

Whenever you needed me

Just so you could get to the

Other side

But now I've learnt that

None of that is enough

Because you don't just want a bridge

To cross rivers

You want beauty and comfort

You want the bridge to be

So much more than brick and cement

You want streetlights

And their warm glow

To guide you

Show you where to go

You want a railing

To lean against

When you wanted to stop for a moment

And enjoy the view

You want benches along the way

For when you get tired

And your feet ache

Or you just want to sit for a while

You want so much more

Flowers, sculptures, art

So that the bridge isn't some

Ordinary structure

And you made me feel so inadequate

So plain and boring, so easy to forget

You made me feel like

I wasn't worth remembering

And I hope you know that if you had looked closely

You would have seen the

Tiny white flowers blooming through

My cracked skin

If you had looked closely you would have seen

The fireflies that flew towards the stars

And the moon, pure and white

Guiding you even on the darkest of nights

If you had looked closely you would have seen

That I could have been enough for you

If only you hadn't been so afraid

Of something so seemingly plain

I'm in a country...

I'm in a country that recently allowed

Marriage for humans

Without discriminating lovers

Based on what sex they belong to

I'm in a country where two men

Or two women

Can hold hands, can kiss

Without having to hide behind locked doors

I'm in a country that was once known as the

Land of opportunity

And people from all these other countries

Called it home

I'm in a country where

The natives are a minority

A minority that is slowly being forgotten

To the convenience of immigrants

I'm in a country where one has the right to own a firearm

Something that in my country

Only men of the armed or security forces

Carry with them

I'm in a country where the word terrorist

Is used synonymously with Muslim

While mentally unstable is reserved for killers

Of 'pure' American blood

I'm in a country where presidential candidates

Shout at each other

Without addressing real problems

Faced by the voters

I'm in a country where the news is full of death

A young singer was killed

There was a massive shooting at a club

A child became an alligator's meal

I'm in a country where they wanted proof

That I will return to my own country

A country criticized by these very people

Once my holiday had come to an end

I'm in a country where people want to know

Why I wouldn't want to live here forever

And I'm tempted to tell them to watch the news

And ask me again why on earth I would want to live here

I'm in a country where I've been for a few weeks

A country I have fallen in love with

For its beautiful houses and nice people

A county I will be leaving in a few hours time

I'm in a country that has given me

Plenty of reasons to smile

People who have spoken to me kindly

Family that has been so full of love

I'm in a country that isn't home

And that can never be home

A country that is so strange

And so foreign to me

I'm in a country that made me realize

Just how lucky I am

To not have been born here

To not be one of them

I'm in a country that made me realize

Just how thankful I should be

For the little island that is serendipity

The little island that is home

Dear god

Dear god

They say you created man

Each and every human being

Some you created dark, others fair

Some thin, others fat

Some male, others female

But as soon as a human is gay

As soon as a human is something

They have zero control over

Suddenly, that human isn't your creation anymore?

Suddenly, that human is sinful and satan's creation?

You are painted as the most merciful and forgiving

And yet, you refuse to let in one of your own creations into heaven

Even though he has never sinned

Never killed

Or lied

Never hurt a fly

If you are a god who discriminates and hates

I'd rather not be on your team

If your heaven is open to sinners who ask for forgiveness for things they chose to do

But closed to humans who have no control over who they are

Then I'd rather head straight to hell

Dear god

This world doesn't need anymore

Religious rules and texts

That can be quoted and misquoted

We don't need anymore

Places of worship

With bells and candles and prayer mats

We don't need anymore practices

And rituals that will prove

Just how much faith we have

Dear god

What we need is peace

The right to be ourselves

A world where we can be happy

It's not much to ask for

So maybe it's time for you to

Answer a few prayers.

For everything that can't be mine

I'm the girl who goes to a bookstore

Runs her hand along spines of books

Reads blurbs, dedications and names

Looks for titles in an ever growing list of books to buy

And then remembers she cannot buy a single book

Because her wallet is empty

And she has too many unread books at home

So she walks out of the bookstore

With a heavy heart

Scolding herself for walking into the store

Knowing fully well she would leave empty-handed

And so

Why are you surprised to hear

That my heart has chosen you

As the one to love

Even though I know

You will never

Feel that way about me?

There was a girl

There was a girl

Who was told

That Mommy loved Daddy

Even though

She grew up

To the noise of anger

Swearing and cursing

A slap and a scream

There was a girl

Who was told

Boys love girls

And she wondered

If men loved girls

As she felt a hand

Reach for the zip

Of her torn jeans

There was a girl

Who was told

That hell was for sinners

And she asked her god

If heaven's doors would be locked

Because she liked how that

Girl in her class looked

There was a girl

Who was told

Girls don't like girls

The way boys like girls

And so she didn't know

What to do

When she wanted to kiss

That girl in her class

There was a girl

Who was told

She must be seen but not heard

So she swallowed her words

And her feelings

And pretended her world

Wasn't spinning too fast

There was a girl

Who was told

It was wrong to complain

She should be happy

With what she had in life

Because there were people

Who had it much worse

There was a girl

Who was told

Life wasn't easy

But you've got to be brave

And if you cried

Or gave up

You just weren't meant

For this world

There was a girl

Who was told

She wasn't good enough

For anyone to love

There was a girl

Who was told

She was a sinner

That what she felt wasn't right

There was a girl

Who was told

To pretend nothing was wrong

Even when everything was in ruins

There was a girl

Who was told

Everything

She didn't want to hear

And then there was a girl

Who told the world

That if they didn't want her

She could leave

And then there was a girl

Who told the world

She was tired of

Everything

And then there was a girl

Who told the world

She was a quitter

But she just couldn't play anymore

A place on earth

I'm in a country that loves the color white

More than they like the darker hues

It's getting better, they say

And yet, I wonder, if that's true

I'm in a country where my dark skin seems

So wrong, so dirty, so ugly

My dark hair isn't brown or blonde like theirs

And it's the wrong color too

I'm in a country where I'm asked if I'm mixed

Or if I'm 100% Indian

I feel like a beverage

Coffee mixed with creamer or 100% fresh orange juice

I'm in a country where I'm congratulated for being Sri Lankan

Because people don't know how to react

To being told I'm from a country

They haven't even heard of

I'm in a country so far away from home

With food that is not new to me

But they don't taste as good as a hot parippu

With rice and fried fish

I'm in a country that looks nothing like home

Where the grass is a different shade of green

The sky is a different shade of blue

And the water tastes different

I'm in a country where the language I know

Makes me feel less that I am

Simply because I pronounce even the simplest words

All wrong, too slow

I'm in a country that isn't home

A country that'll never be home

I'm in a country where my darkness makes me feel

Like an alien from a distant planet

And then I think of home and the country that is mine

An island in the Indian Ocean

And I remember all the times I've been told

I'm too dark, I should stay away from the sun

I remember all the times people have stared

Because the clothes I wore were just not right

I remember all the things that have been said

About how curly my hair can get

I remember all the times I've been told

To not decorate my dark skin with darker ink

I remember all the times I've been told

I'm too dark, too plain, too ugly

And I think of the country that is my home

The place I've lived in since birth

And I remember all the times I've been made to feel

Like an alien from a distant planet

And so I wonder where I belong

Where my complexion isn't a flaw

And so I wonder where on Earth

I can be without feeling inadequate

And so it rained...

And so it rained

It rained until the roads were one big puddle

It rained until there was water up to the front step

It rained until there were inches of water in houses

It rained until only the roofs of houses could be seen

And it rained and it rained and it rained

And people lost their homes

Everything that they had worked so hard for

They lost books and clothes

TVs and roofs

They lost everything

Some even lost their lives

And some were safe from the floods

Some were safe from the landslides

Some were safe from the harsh winds

That seemed to mock us

'You asked for rain

So here it is'

And the people who were safe

They collected dry rations

They helped those in need

They risked their lives

Just so another could be saved

And others, they complained

No one is praying for Sri Lanka, they said

Prayers don't work, others said

Facebook notifications are annoying

Even if they let me know my friends and family

And the people I added for no reason

Are safe

They complained, they complained, they complained

And it rained and it rained and it rained