Incomplete

It feels like I came apart
And I'm putting back the pieces
Making myself whole again
But somehow
Some of the pieces got misplaced
And now there are empty spaces
Where parts of me used to be

I am me
The same person I was yesterday
And the day before that
But somehow
I'm not entirely
The same person either

sweet and sour

You make sweet caramel toffees

Turn sour in my mouth

Pinching at my tongue

Inside of my cheeks

Because that sickly sweetness

Reminds me too much of you

The one thing I haven't yet forgotten

That perfume you wore everyday

Caramel goodness

With hints of cigarette smoke

And undertones of a

Freshly ironed shirt

That's what I remember of you

Not your face, your voice

The way you looked at me

All of that has been forgotten

But this

It turns sweet toffees

Sour

14 days

You give yourself two weeks
Fourteen days and it will all get better
It will hurt less
You will feel the sadness
Drain away
Making way for joy
Two weeks
You tell yourself to hold on
For fourteen days
Because your blank page, slate
Awaits you
And you can start afresh

It's the thirteenth day now
And all I feel is
Myself
Slipping away

Today

The floor beneath my feet is flat
It always has been
I would know
I have walked on it all my life
But today
I have to steady myself against furniture
Older than I am
Because today
The floor is made of a thousand pieces of Lego
That keep moving ever so slightly

I haven't seen a rat inside the house
Since I was a child
In the garden
There are a few
But they never step indoors
We have the occasional roach
Scorpion, centipede
But today, shadows dart across the floor
From table to cupboard
Hop from chair to chair
I know they are not there
But I see them
I do

I am not sick
No fever, no cold, no sore throat
No food poisoning
No flu, no illness
And yet, I have to fight the need to empty my insides
Taking deep breaths through my mouth
Hoping it fights the need to
Vomit

Today
I am not okay
My lungs are within a tight fist
My skin itches
And my head hurts
Inside, my mind twirls
Tries to focus on words
But fails

Today
I am
Not
Okay

enough

I've been punished long enough

For giving my heart away

To a man who didn't deserve it

It's been so long that I can't even

Remember what it felt like

To be that broken hearted

So maybe my scars have healed

Maybe it's time to move on

So please let me love again

incomplete

Each time you touch me

You take a little bit of the sand

That fills my insides

As soon as you leave

I frantically swallow a handful

Of grainy sea sand

But you take more than

I can replace

You take more than I have

Not you

There was a moment that passed between us
When it was too late for my thoughts to make sense
When we had downed way too many drinks
There was a moment when I felt something
The tiniest of fires being lit within me
No one had made me feel like this in months
Years, perhaps
But I turned away, I had to
I couldn't just reach out and pull you to me
I couldn't feel your skin against mine
Not with you, never with you
There was way too much at stake

toxic

You make me sick

The way you grab on to

My heart

Squeezing out all the love in it

Throwing the bruised muscle away

Like it didn't just kill me

You make me sick

The way you use your words

Coated in honey at first

Sickly sweet

Soon turning bitter

Making me gag

Making me retch

You make me sick

The way you look me straight in the eye

Telling me you care

All while pressing thumbtacks

Into my arms

My neck

Laughing when I wince in pain

You make me sick

The way you leave behind a trail of hurt

Of viciousness

All while the world applauds

Your kindness

Your generosity

You make me sick.

joy

The joy that seemed to radiate from you

In your smile, your laugh

Was almost palpable

And as the night stretched into dawn

And your joy remained the same

I was afraid it'll evaporate like

Water left in the sun 

skeleton

You slice off a part of you

When you detach yourself from her

And blood drips, leaving a trail of red

That leads her to you once more

She sits next to you, threaded needle in hand

And slowly attaches a part of you to her

When your skin starts rotting

Her poison slowly seeping into you

You once again slice off a part

Of your body and walk away

And in the end

All that's left of you

Are skeletal remains

You are nothing anymore

And she's got all of you

care a bit, maybe?

You give me nothing

And I give you all I've got

But maybe this whole thing works

Because you don't care

And I do 

why didn't we?

Maybe we should have gone on one date

You and I, not hiding in a group of people

Reaching for each other only when

No one else was looking

Maybe we should have had one day

Just for us

A memory to hold on to years later

When we turned into strangers

Why didn't we ever do this one thing?