Friday, June 23, 2017

Opposites attract?

I don't care for opposites anymore

Opposites attract?
People are attracted to people
One being black
The other being white
Doesn't matter
Because the greys
The yellows, the blues
The pinks and other hues
They all fall in love

And happiness?
The opposite of sorrow
But those who are sad
Rarely look for happiness
All they want is to not be so sad anymore

And the calm that follows the storm?
Sunshine after rain?
A smile instead of a frown?
Love instead of hate?
War ending in peace ending in war ending in peace
Yin and yang?

Why not the forgotten
The usually unnamed
That lies between
The storm and the calm that follows
Rain and sunshine
A frown and a smile
Hate and love
War and peace
Yin and yang

That's what I want

You and I
We aren't black and white
The sky and land
Right and wrong
Hot and cold

You and I
We are something else entirely

Monday, June 19, 2017

More than usual

I've been missing you more than usual these past few days
And maybe that's why I haven't been writing as much as I used to
Because everything I want to write is about you... about us
And I promised myself I won't drag you into my words anymore

Sunday, June 18, 2017

Handholding (again)

He held my hand
And that was all
But it felt like a million fires
Were being lit
In my heart
You, the replacement
Touched me in so many other ways
But I was nothing but a matchstick
Long burnt out

(Sort of a continuation of this poem here, although the 'him' and 'you' are different people)

Wednesday, June 14, 2017


I don't quite understand why
The memory of his tongue
Doing the tango in my mouth
Is less repulsive than
The memory of your hand
Reaching for mine.

Tuesday, June 6, 2017

It's okay to cry

We are ashamed of our tears
Because we are told they are a sign of weakness
And no one wants to be weak

But there's nothing wrong in feeling this way sometimes

We all have moments
When we can't take the next step
Because we feel a tremor in the ground beneath us
And fear it will slip away
Right beneath our feet

We all have moments
When we are so afraid
Because everything is uncertain
And we know there's no safety net
To catch us when we fall

We all have these moments
So why should we be ashamed
To admit
We are only human?

It's okay to be afraid
It's okay to be tired
It's okay to be weak
It's okay to cry.

Sunday, June 4, 2017


I will always listen.
My doors, my heart, are always open.
You know where to find me
When and if you need to talk.

They offer help now
Now that it's too late
Now that they know
They won't have to listen

Because they don't
They don't understand

How can such a beautiful person
Do such a horrible thing to herself?
No problem is so unsolvable
For you to cause such grief to your family.
She was so young
Too young to die.

For a minute
I beg you

Without assuming
Without judgment
Without comparing

Just listen for five fucking minutes
And then you'll see
That no one is ever too beautiful to die.
No one is ever too young to die.
Family isn't -shouldn't be- the only reason to live.
A smile doesn't always stem from happiness.
And even if it does,
Happiness is temporary.

Before it's too late.


There's a switch in my mind
Which lets me
Change how I feel

They say I keep it switched off
Even though a simple
Movement of a finger
A flick
Can switch it on
Flood my life with light

They say I'm being difficult
Trying too hard to be different
Seeking attention
Starving for it

And I'm not
So I look for this switch
When my thoughts are all tangled
And nothing makes sense anymore
When my entire body itches
The back of my knees
The inside of my elbows
When my fingers don't stop trembling
And I feel disconnected
When I see things
Even in the darkness
Things that don't exist
And it terrifies me

But I can't find this switch
That they promise
Will make me feel better
I can't find it
No matter how desperately I search

Friday, June 2, 2017


Like a hurdle
I can't jump over
Or walk around
You stand before me
Refusing to move
Refusing to let me go on with life
To move on
Almost afraid that
I will forget
All the pain you caused

Thursday, June 1, 2017


It isn't fair that
The people who tore you apart
Left you hurting
Never really leave you
Because they lurk beneath
Memories of better days
Waiting until you expect them the least
To pounce on you
Again and again


It was almost as if you knew
How easily I would break
If you didn't hold me tight
One hand on the back of my neck
The other on my breast
Keeping me from tipping too much to the back
And falling out of your embrace
But you should have held me tighter
It just wasn't enough
One minute I wanted
Not you
But what you could give me
And the next
I didn't
And you suddenly repulsed me
Your touch repulsed me
And I snapped
And broke
And nothing you did
-promising to be gentle
-giving me as much time as I needed
-asking me what I wanted
Nothing could put back the pieces
To make me as whole as I was
Before I shattered
In your embrace


I built a wall around my heart
A spillway in case I needed to let it all out
But it remained shut
Holding everything inside
And then you came along
Told me there was a need no more
To hide behind the wall
I had built around my heart

So I yanked it open that spillway
Which I hadn't thought of in a while
And waited and waited
You too, waited and waited
And nothing flowed out
Not a single drop
The sun had dried it all out
And now there was nothing left in me