Together

In that moment when it felt like I had lost everything

You reminded me of him

And I'd hoped and prayed for that to never happen

But with just a few words

Suddenly, you were less like you and too much like him

The moment passed, of course it did

But that feeling, I still carry with me

I toss it from hand to hand

Throw it against a wall, hoping it would shatter

It remains intact

Childish

It's so childish this desire to be happy

To know what it is like

For today's happiness to overflow

Into tomorrow and the day after

For happiness to not be so tied to other people

And places and alcohol

I want to know what it is like

To wake up and feel no weight

Or dread

To just be.

It was never about you

It was never about you

All these years, wasted

Looking for a person

When it was the feeling I was after

Tender

And from him a tenderness

Unexpected

One you couldn't give me

In any of our shared moments

It takes me by surprise

For perhaps if your touch had been softer

Slower, kinder

Perhaps then I would have felt for you

In our many moments

What I felt in that one moment

With him