Grief

You asked me why I hadn't written anything
And I told you I was grieving
You told me that grief was what
The best poems are born out of

But three years ago
Nearly four
It didn't feel like a time to sit and write
Because the only words I could think of were
She's gone. She's gone. She's gone.

Was I to write about a grave covered in flowers?
Because she didn't have one
And even if she did
It would have been to freshly covered for flowers to have time to grow

Was I to write about the loss I felt?
It had only been, what? 24 hours?
I wasn't even past denial
By then

Was I to write about how everyone felt?
The disbelief? The fear? The unbelievable sadness
That filled us all?
How could I when everything that had happened, every word I heard, every face I saw
When it all felt so unreal?

You told me to use my grief to write
To put all my thoughts to words
To make poetry out of it all
But you forgot to see that
This grief had left me so emptied
I couldn't even think straight

Repeat

Who'd have thought that five years later
I would be once again
Stuck on repeat
With this goddamn song

Five years ago, it felt like something
I'd want to hold on to
And now, it's the one thing
That's keeping me from drowning

Haircut

Until you cut your hair
I didn't realize how sharp your beauty was
Your eyes were slits made on your skin
Your teeth could tear through anything
Your nose was pointed
Just like your chin
And maybe for most people
There was no beauty to be found in your face
But behind that sharpness that put blades to shame
There was something so soft and pure
That made me too afraid to
Reach out and touch you

Shut up

Sometimes
When you talk
When you just never shut up
I want to get a needle and a spool of thread
And sew your lips together
Shut your mouth forever

And sometimes
The only way I get to the end
Of yet another one of your rants
Is imagining in great detail
The needle
The thread
I will use
To sew that damn mouth shut

Thank you

I can't remember what I was doing at the time
I can't even remember what time it was
During the day, I think
But it suddenly hit me that perhaps you had left
My mind
Finally let me free from you
From all those memories of you and I

And if this is it
For us
Then thank you
For this freedom
I so badly have been in need of

Thank you