Thursday, January 21, 2016


You picture the day
The sky will be overcast
Leaves dancing in the wind
Tears in your eyes
The box you are carrying is heavy
It contains everything you've collected
And all the memories
Of that place
And you walk away
Giving your second home
One last look
You say goodbye

But when that day comes
It's completely different
And you're relieved that it is
Because you need everything to look like
Just another day
The sun shines and birds sing
Everything is perfect
Except that you have
Four or five bags
Containing all those things you collected
And all those memories
And you leave
Not saying goodbye
Because you don't even know how to.


You told me one day 
That, for you, 
Love will never be as important 
As happiness 
And you told me this when I 
Confessed I was 
In love 
With someone who didn’t feel the same 
And I remember telling you 
How deeply sad I was 
About the stubbornness of hearts and
Wickedness of life 
And now I see you 
Or rather 
A shadow of who you used to be 
And this shadow never smiles 
It’s like a ghost 
And I want to ask you 
If at least 
Love is enough to 
Hide the absence of happiness in your life

Wednesday, January 20, 2016

Not guilty.

I don't blame you
I can't
After all
Nothing was done
You simply didn't know
So how can you be held guilty?

You didn't know
 How I felt
And so for you
All those moments we shared
Sprang out of playfulness and
Some friendly fun
That's all it was for you

But for me
None of it was funny
None of it was done because
There was nothing better to do
Or because
There was no harm in crossing the line
Between those two worlds
One of friendship
And the other of

So I won't blame you
And you need not apologize
It wasn't your fault
You didn't lead me on
You simply didn't know

Friday, January 15, 2016

When she looked around one day

When she looked around one day
She noticed he had left
And hadn't even had the decency to tell her
Or shut the door behind him
He had just left
And let the insects creep in
Blood-thirsty mosquitoes
And other flying creatures
Fragile fireflies
Heavy beetles
They all buzzed around her
And cast shadows against the walls
Reminding her of the dark crows
That lived in her heart
Flying and flying
Disturbing settled dust and
Scaring away what is good
And so he had left
Tired of the crows
Crows the color of her thoughts
And he had left the door open
Letting the creatures in
Even though he knew how afraid she was
Of those of the outside world

Tuesday, January 5, 2016


I’m sorry
I didn’t know you had died
I didn’t know
Until five years had gone by
You must have been there
On the obituary page
A photograph, black and white
A few words, meaningless
But at least, if I had seen it
I would have known
I would have recognized you
And I’m sure
My mother would have seen it and said
“Such a young girl. Your age.
Now dead.”
And I would have said something like
“Such a shame. But such is life.
In the end, we must all die.”
And it is true,
Young or old,
Death won’t leave us alone
But I should have known
When you were gone
I would have said a
Final goodbye
But I’m too young
To make obituary-page-reading a habit
Like most my age,
I won’t find a familiar face on it
No one I know will be on it any time soon
Not for another forty or fifty years, at least
But you did, on a long ago day
You made it to the obituary page

Keys beneath flower pots

I have something that belongs to you
And when you asked for it
I pretended I didn’t hear you because
I thought holding onto it will stop you from leaving

You have something that belongs to me
And when you tried to give it back to me
I pretended I never noticed
And let you keep it so you’d have a reason to stay

And now, our borrowed somethings are a curse
To us both, they make us hate ourselves and each other
For thinking something so small
Could be like ropes that tie us to each other

Other people, they’ve replaced you now
Like I’ve been replaced in your life
And that is okay, we both know
But our borrowed somethings lock them out of our hearts

For when he, like many others, knocked on the door
And I said, please do come in
He couldn’t, for the key beneath the flower pot
Wasn’t for the door to my heart

And he asked me, ‘but to whose heart is this key?’
And I remained silent, for how could I tell him
The only heart this key would open
Is in a man who had left so long ago?

And he asked me, 'where’s the key to your heart?’
And I remained silent, for how could I tell him
That key now lies, useless,
Beneath a flower pot outside the door to your heart?

Sunday, January 3, 2016


I didn’t notice it at first
I didn’t notice you were a thief
One by one
I lost everything
You stole most of it
You made them yours
You stole the life that burned in me
You stole the love I had in me
You stole all my happiness
And so I was afraid
Of having more of me
Stolen by you
So I got rid of things
I got rid of people
Just so there’ll be nothing
You can steal from me
And now
You sit atop your stolen goods
Everyone applauds your treasures
And I…
I have nothing anymore
I’m as poor as I was
When I was born
Because you,
You had so much
But you still wanted
Everything I had.

I hate you,
You little thief
I hate you
For stealing
What little I had in life.

I hate you.


I don’t need people around this tiny world we live in
To read what I write, to understand and (mis)interpret
All I want is for you to find this place and to know my thoughts
All I want is for you to find, in my words, the universe I want to give you
And all I want is for you to give me a universe, your own universe
Just so I’ll have a place to belong to
Just so I’ll have a home to go to at the end of a long day


You love
You are loved
You believe in love

And I

I wonder what
It is like
To love and be loved

And I

I look for it all over
Flowing in my blood
Dancing to my heartbeat
But I can’t find it
I can’t find

Then I see you
With her
And I miss what she has
I want what she has
I feel a deep pain
In me
Like I have been stabbed
And I wonder
If this is what love feels like

You. And him.

You remind me of him
You remind me too much of him
You are both alike
Lanky, cute, random and

And you both
You love books
And have these giant worlds tucked in your minds
And you are you
So different
But so similar
So alike
That it scares me
That it makes me hate you too
Because you remind me of
The first boy to show me what love is
The first boy who told me it’s okay to be afraid
The first boy who liked me for who I was
The first boy to break my heart
So when your hand seeks mine
And you feel my body reject you
Don’t take offense
Don’t take it too personally
I live in the past
But give it some time
Help me erase the memory of him
Help me stop the comparisons
And then
Once my mind is clear
A blank slate
I’ll be all yours.

I promise.

I waited. Past tense. No longer waiting.

Don't you dare say I didn't wait for you
I did
That's all I've been doing
I waited for you
When you said you were feeling lost and needed to find yourself
I waited for you
When you said you were feeling conflicted and thought maybe she was the one
I waited for you
When you said the world out there needed to be explored
I waited for you
When you said that maybe you needed to take a different path
And now
When I'm finally tired of waiting
When I finally made my mind to stop waiting
You decide it's time to come back
And when you found no one waiting for you
You screamed and shouted and said life was unfair and people were selfish
And you never thought for a second
How goddamn unfair you have been
And how selfish you are
So don't you dare say I didn't wait for you
Because that's all I did
For just too long
And now
I give up
I give up on you
I give up on us


You've forgotten already
And that's okay
I forgive you
No, I take that back
I don't forgive you
Because there's no reason for forgiveness
You've done nothing wrong
It's okay to forget
In fact, I wish I could be like you
And forget
Everything that happened
All those silly things
Foolish dreams
Time wasted
On something so stupid
Time wasted
Being a complete idiot
I wish I can forget it all
Because then,
At least then,
I'll be able to forgive myself
For deciding to walk on a tightrope
Because it took all the strength I had
To not fall
Because the land wouldn't have been graceful
Love is like that, you know
Twisted hearts
That's all you get in the end
But I didn't fall
Thanks to you, I didn't fall
You gave me a reason to reach
The other side
And now
My feet are on an even surface
And I won't fall
But you are gone
And I can't help wondering if
The tightrope is better
Than this sane and still world
And darling,
This is why I want to forget
The thrill of being with you
Of stepping on a thread
The risk of being with you
Of the nothingness beneath me
Help me forget
Because forgetting will keep me sane
Because forgetting will make it easier
To survive in this world
Without you

Friday, January 1, 2016

What are we doing to each other?

What are we doing
To each other?

Are you being friendly
When you smile
In that special way?
Are you being friendly
When you look at me
Like you know the truth?
Are you being friendly
When you look out for me
Make sure I'm staying afloat?


Are you being flirty
When you send me
Posts difficult to decipher?
Are you being flirty
When you send me those
Are you being flirty
When you laugh along
When they say things?

I'm getting mixed signals
And I'm confused
At times you make it seem like
This will work between us
But then
Sometimes it's like I've been forgotten
And my heart
It can't bear this anymore
So tell me
Draw the line right now
Between being friendly
And being flirty
Tell me, right now,
In which way you like me

End the game
Now, today.
End this game we are playing.