Conserve

You ask me how I am
"All okay?"
And I want to tell you
Everything
How rotten I feel
How my skin doesn't seem to fit my body
How loud it is inside my mind
How truly awful it is
But it all takes so much energy
And I can't be wasteful
So I tell you
"All okay"
Seven letters
Two words
That is all
I can give you
Today

1am

It's one o'clock in the morning

  Can this time of the day

  Even be called morning?

But I'm awake and I'm tired

And I keep wondering about

This one thing

Who would I be

If things were different?

What if I'd never met you

Or anyone else

What if my father never left

And my parents were happy

What if I was smart

And aced my exams

What if I was happy

And never sad

What if things were different

What if things were good

Would my life be a whole lot different?

Would it be the 27th of

April twenty-twenty

Would it be one in the morning

And would I still be awake

Unable to sleep?

Easter

This year
No one brought it up
The usual family lunch
On Easter Sunday
We were under curfew and couldn't
Leave the house even if we wanted to

Last year
My aunt called me
Said they will see us the next weekend instead
Because there are all these explosions
And no one knows what's
Happening

The year before that
I don't know what happened
We broke tradition
Because usually one of my father's siblings
Would host Christmas lunch
And the other
Easter lunchBut that year we decided that
No one would cook this time
We would all go and dine
At a hotel
On Easter Sunday

Ghosts

While I was asleep
The ghosts in my room
Tore up some sandpaper
And softened the sharp edges
I use to keep people away

And now my heart melts
Like butter
When I'm with you
And I hate it
I hate it

Magic

We should let each other go
While we are still so happy
Staying another day or two or three
May make the magic wear off
And we will be left with nothing
No sparkle, no beauty
Just two humans
So utterly wrong for each other

Joy

I envy you your happiness
All that joy
For one person
It isn't fair
What about the rest of us
Do we not get a morsel at least
To hold on to?

You and I

What you and I had
It was too easy to be love
Hell, I don't think we even
Liked each other that much

Band-aid

Your apology is a band-aid

But the wound runs deep

Skin parted from throat to navel

Blood oozing out