Monday, September 18, 2017

thief

You stole from me
The one place in which I felt safe enough to
Pour my heart out
Without having to worry about
The consequences

You stole from me
The one place I was comfortable enough
To be honest
Tell the truth
As it is

But if I were to tell you
About your offense
You would just laugh and ask me

  Have I ever made threats?
  Ever raised my voice?
  Hit you? Hurt you?
  All I did was
  Watch your every move
  In the place you are most yourself
  And you've forgiven people
  For doing much worse

But what you don't understand is that
You've taken away the safety net I had
To protect me from all these crimes much greater
And now, when I fall, there's nothing to catch me

I hit the ground
My bones break
I bleed and bleed
And you just sit there
Watching

Overstaying your welcome

Why are you still here
Overstaying your welcome
Don't you have someplace
Better to be?

It's been too long
Since you left me with
Skeletons and scars
Holding on to what you don't want

And if you insist on staying
Make room for others
It gets lonely sometimes
Left with only memories

Saturday, September 16, 2017

It's all on you this time

You know that you can always talk to me, right?

And when I did
You told me it was
All in my mind
I was, on purpose,
Making life difficult for myself
I was being stubborn
Refusing to be happy

I am the shoulder you can lean on

And when I cried about
The loss of something
That meant the world to me
You told me to
Move on
This was just
Part and parcel of life

Friends tell each other everything

Is this why
I only found out about
That great big thing
That happened in your life
Through a status
You posted on Facebook?

I will always listen

Is this why
You didn't give me the space
I demanded from you
Over and over again?

Just let me in

I'm shutting you out now
And I won't take the blame
Because it's not me
It's all on you this time

Thursday, September 14, 2017

And you ask me why I won't let you in

This is what people do

They barge in through the door
Leave behind a trail of
Muddy footprints
Let taps drip and drip and drip
Leave unwashed mugs and plates
In the sink
They sleep on beds you just made
Mix up your perfectly organized books
Shatter the silence with their voice
Disrupt the life you've made for yourself

And just as you begin to
Warm to their presence
Like them
Love them, even,
They walk out the door
Leaving behind
A mess for you to clean up

Wednesday, September 13, 2017

Fully booked

Don't you understand
That my heart
Has no space
To accommodate
Anyone else?

Do you not notice
There is no equivalent of a
'Rooms available' sign
For my heart
As if it were a motel?

Don't you see
How hard I'm pushing you away
Trying to be subtle, kind
But telling you
To leave?

Do you not know
That love
Of a romantic kind
To me
Is just a waste of time?

Why then
Do you keep banging on the door
Asking to be let in
Even though
You've been told to leave?

Tuesday, September 12, 2017

After a while

It becomes easy after a while
To pretend you're okay
So that no one knows
How much you are hurting inside

It becomes easy after a while
To lie, to smile
Make everyone believe
You are on cloud nine

It becomes easy after a while
To pretend the ground shakes no more
That your world is still
Quiet like it is for them

It becomes easy after a while
To stage a play
So that no one notices
When you slip away

Sunday, September 10, 2017

Friday, September 8, 2017

Without me

I worry sometimes
That I stripped you of
Any happiness
Smashed all your
Hopes and dreams
On the ground
Covering it with
Shards of glass
So you had to be careful
With every step you take
I worry sometimes
That you no longer smile
Your eyes no longer shine
You can no longer love

But then
Worse
I fear sometimes
That since I left you
On the side of the road
Like trash
You've built a life absent of any trace of me
That you've
Without me
Found happiness

Tuesday, August 29, 2017

Facebook friends

We are friends on Facebook
We like each others posts sometimes
We share posts the other has shared
We've been friends for months, years

Whenever I'm in one of those moods
And delete whoever I'm not really friends with
I skip their profiles
I let them be on my friend list

And yet, when we stand within arm's length from each other
We don't recognize, we don't acknowledge, we don't smile
We don't say we like their outfit even though
We go back home and like a picture they posted that day

This is what we are now
Friends
But not really
Strangers on Facebook

Tuesday, August 8, 2017

Silence

Silence for a week

As a fever crept up on me
When I wasn't looking
As blood test after blood test
Showed a decreasing platelet count
As medical jargon was thrown my way
And no one was quite sure
If I was going to be okay

As I sweated and then shivered
Swallowed pills that didn't go down smoothly
And threatened to come right back up
As I slept and slept and slept

As I shut myself out of the world
A headache making me cry in pain
Every single inch of my body
Aching for god knows what reason

Silence for a week

I had that at least
For a week
Seven days or so
My mind was too busy
To let you crawl your way to the front
And so

Silence for a week

And as twisted as this sounds
Thank you for that