Thursday, December 31, 2015

2015

January
I turned twenty-one
And thought
Life would be better
When you are that age
I didn't know then
How wrong I was

February
I strangely
Don't remember
Much of February
I remember Independence Day
And working when
Not many were at office
But I have no other memories
Of that month

March
I wish March
Never happened

April
What is Avurudhu
When you will never again
Eat your favorite pol-toffee
Made by your favorite person?

May
Vesak lanterns
Make any house
Feel warm
Safe
Like home

June
Whatever happened in June
I no longer remember
Maybe it was one of those
Insignificant months

July
We didn't want a celebration
Because of what we'd lost
But you turned it into one
Even though it wasn't even your day to celebrate

August
Maybe August was when we
Finally stopped talking
I don't remember

Sorry.

September
No more surprises
Gifts and cards
Remember the paper cranes I made you last year?
You stole their wings and flew away from us

October
I was told
Nothing mattered
Because sometimes
What you do isn't enough

November
I quit
And lost a home
I quit
And lost a lot

But I wrote
Turned feelings into words
That's the one thing
You can't take from me

December
A month of
New friendships
Happiness
Feeling lost
And being found

2015
365 days
12 months
You weren't the best
But you weren't the worst

2016
New year, new life?
No
Same life. Same me.
Different year

Monday, December 28, 2015

The Bra

Flung at a singer
During a concert
The Bra is now
Causing much havoc
The president makes
An issue out of nothing
People defend The Bra
Make it a laughing matter
Others argue
The president is right
We aren't a culture
Of bra-slingers
A girl who displays such
Immodest behavior
Is a curse to this country
That clearly values its women

While all this happens
On a lonely road
A man is quick to pretend
To urinate against a wall
And as a woman
Too tired to walk fast
Passes him by
He turns to show her his dick

While all this happens
A girl seated in a bus
Feels a man rubbing
Against her shoulder
She looks up at him
And he grins
As if to say
'Enjoy this ride'

While all this happens
A woman is pinned down
Her clothes are torn
Ripped to shreds
Her body is exposed
Covered in fear
But they don't care
As they thrust and thrust

While all this happens
A young boy is told
It's okay to have his
Privates exposed
He doesn't know
What to do
Because she is an adult
So he closes his eyes and pretends
Everything is alright

While all this happens
The real monsters in this world
Continue to attack
The innocent
While all this happens
Their screams aren't heard
Everyone's too busy
Replacing song lyrics with bra
While all this happens
Justice bids goodbye
Clearly the authorities
Have different priorities 

Wednesday, December 23, 2015

Nuisance

You tell me to stop being a pain in the ass
And so I apologize
And disappear
And be one with the shadows
So that no more do you have to
Put up with me
And yes, it's just that easy for me
To disappear

But what you forget is
How I never told you to go away
Whenever you remembered me
After days, weeks, of forgetting
And then too,
Only because you needed something from me

What you forget is
How I never refused to listen to you
When you needed someone to talk to
And no one else,
None of your friends
Had time for you

What you forget is
How I stood by you
Through everything in life
Even though,
Not once did you notice me
Unless you needed someone
And all you had was me

But it's okay,
I understand
Some of us just aren't enough
We are too ordinary
So plain
And so we disappear
As soon as someone commands us to
And we don't mind
Because we are used to it
After years and years
Of being told
We are a pain in the ass

You aren't the first to tell me
And I know
You won't be the last to tell me
I'm a nuisance

But since we are talking firsts
You may also want to know that

You won't be the first
Or the last
To realize
Only when it is too late
Just how much
You needed me

Tuesday, December 22, 2015

Needed? Wanted? Used.

You ask me to
Please do just this
One thing
For you
And I don't refuse
To do so
Because I believe
I truly do
Foolishly
And falsely
That you need me
And I can't ignore
Or reject need
Just like I can't
Ignore or reject
Want
When it's your wants
And your needs
And they are
Your wants
And your needs
From me
So I say yes to you
Like I always do
And I go do
Whatever it is
You want me to
But there's a little voice
That keeps telling me
What I now know
Is the truth
It is the same voice that told me
That unrequited love
Is all I'll ever have
That wants and needs
Are of the service
And not the person
Providing the service
And now
That same voice tells me
You don't want me
You don't need me
You are simply
Using me

Saturday, December 19, 2015

Game over.

I knew
It was all over
This game I thought
We were playing
When your phone buzzed
And your eyes lit up
And you smiled
That all-teeth smile
When you saw
Who was calling

Birds

There was once
A free bird
And he flew over
Mountains
And valleys
He saw fields
Of paddy
And rivers of
Clear blue water
And he saw how nature
Took hold
And life was lived
Days unfold
He saw people
And animals
Plants
And sand
He saw waves
Crashing into
Each other
He watched as lightning
Struck and shook
The world
As wind blew away
What remained
But each day
He flew back to
The caged bird
That he loved
And he told her
In great detail
Everything he
Had seen
And she lived through
His words
Imagined places
She would never be to
Never see
She saw the world outside
Her cage
Even if
They were through
The free bird's
Words
But then
One day
The caged bird
Waited
And she waited
And she waited
But that day
The free bird
Never flew back
Nor did he
The next day
And so the caged bird
Never saw the world
Again
Except the plain grey
Walls
Around her
Caged
Barred
Life.

Tuesday, December 15, 2015

Run for their lives

Run for their lives

But stop to think

Whose lives you are running for

When you proudly wear

The free tshirt

Remember the people around the globe

Who don’t have clothes to keep them warm

When you take selfie after selfie

And pose for photographs

Do you ask yourself

What purpose they serve?

Do you know what people go through

How much they suffer

And how many die of illness?

Do you only lend a helping hand

Or a few rupees

If you’ll get tagged in

Pictures later?

Smile all you want

But look for the smiles

On the faces of the lives you are running for

On the poorest of faces

Do you see them?

On the sickest of faces

Do you see them?

Run for their lives

But stop to think

Whose lives you are running for

Friday, December 11, 2015

No letters for us

The red postbox
The green postbox
Letters inside
Unopened
Stamped
So far away
From their
Destination
Scribbled
On the envelope
And a crow lands
On top of
The green postbox
And asks
"No letters for me?
No letters for me?"
And the postbox answers
"Never for us
Never for us"

Wednesday, December 9, 2015

You.

Don't flatter yourself
These poems aren't about you
And they sure as hell aren't
For you

The Truth.



Not much stops me from telling you the truth and leaving the great unknown
You can ignore the truth or acknowledge it, it’s all up to you
Not much stops me from being honest and giving you the power to make a choice
You can break my heart or be my world, it won’t depend on me

Then why don’t I just let go of this truth that makes my life feel heavier than it should?
All it will take are three words, three simple words
Then why don’t I just tell you how I feel and stop worrying about how you may feel?
All it will take is a small effort and I would have taken the first step

It’ll be so goddamn easy to tell you
And it will be so goddamn easy to have my heart broken
But if it’s easy
Then it’s not worth it

It’ll be so goddamn easy to tell you
But I don’t because, the truth is
I’m too afraid of knowing another truth
Not my own, but yours

A truth that is as simple as my three word truth
A truth that is the complete opposite of how I feel
A truth that will be like an anvil that lands on me
A truth that will crush me more than you would think it would

And so I swallow my words and smile at you
Even when you look at me and say, ‘friends?’
And of course, I feel that anvil on me
Even as I said, ‘friends.’

Sunday, December 6, 2015

Not enough

Insufficient
That's what I am
I'm not good enough
I'm never enough

I'm not fair enough
I'm not thin enough
My hair is too messy
And I don't talk enough
I should party more
Just have more fun
Because I don't have
Enough of a life

My grades aren't that good
I'm not creative enough
A personal blog doesn't count
These poems don't either

I don't follow enough people
To be famous on Twitter
I don't have enough friends
To be cool on Facebook

I can't take selfies
And so I get no likes
The boys don't even notice me
I might as well be invisible

I'm not enough
But they tell me I can be
The only problem is
I don't care enough
To be someone I'm not

She thought he loved her

She thought he loved her
Because he would smile at her
From the other side of the room
And when he walked towards her
She felt the rest of the world
Fade away

She thought he loved her
Because he was always there
And he made sure she wasn't alone
And when she knew no one in a crowd
He would never hesitate to
Rescue her

She thought he loved her
Because they liked the same books
And talked about them
Until the sun bid the world goodbye
And it was too dark to see
Anything,
Not even each other

She thought he loved her
Because he was nice and helpful
And went out of his way
To make sure
She had everything she needed

She thought he loved her
Because it made no sense for him not to
And everything would be perfect
If he did

She thought he loved her
Because she loved him
And the fairy tales told her that
That was enough

She thought he loved her
Until she told him
He said they were 'just friends'
And suddenly nothing made any more sense to her