Monday, September 30, 2013


I can't tell you
where I'll be
this time
next year
I can't promise to
be there for you
when everything
crashes to the ground
I can't promise to
hold your hand
or lend a shoulder
for you to cry on
I can't tell you
if I'll still be here
to listen to you
and be there for you

Yet, know that
regardless of
my promises
and stupid decisions
Regardless of
all the hurtful
I say to you
Regardless of
each time
I pushed you away
from me
Regardless of all that
if you come to me, broken
I will fix everything
I possibly could

I wouldn't do this
because I
still love you
in one way or the other
or because I
have a heart
that forgives
and forgets
or because I am
too tired to
let the past
haunt my future
But because
no matter what
I can't look at your eyes
and let you go, again

Saturday, September 28, 2013

Soap bubbles

The night was young
But it was dark
And it was tired
I should have
Noticed the stars
And the moon
The clouds
But I didn't
Excuses I can give
But I won't
The memory of tonight
Would have been better
More beautiful
If I had noticed
The stars,
And clouds
But I remember
Everything else
Our smiles
As we blew
Soap bubble
Soap bubble
Into the deep
Dark sky
And people could have
Because none of us
Were kids
But it didn't matter
I wasn't nineteen
Scared and lost
I was back in the past
Ten years
Blowing soap bubbles

Wednesday, September 25, 2013

fairy lights

You and i
different worlds
we lived in
but we made
our own little world
where there were rainbows
that ended
at pots of gold
the sun peeked over
mountains and hills
covered in grass they were
fireflies danced against the night skies
the stars and fairy lights
and wishes and dreams
we made this world
you and i
and we took up residence
in that world
but our stay
wasn't forever
the ticket in
had an expiry day
slowly the
fairy lights
became a distant memory
and we knew
our time was up
the sun screamed
and burned us
not with hatred
or anger
but warning
before its too late
before you see each other
for who you really are
did we listen?
not until
it was too late
for you and i
and when we finally bade
our world goodbye
there was very little
left of it
but most of all
there was very little
left of

Monday, September 23, 2013

Be patient

Be patient
I'm still learning
Be patient
I'm still a kid
Be patient
I need you to
Be patient
Promise you will

I don't know
What I should do
I don't know
What I shouldn't do
I'll make mistakes
Not one or two
But I'll learn from them
I promise I will

So be patient
You were a child once
Don't teach me
Show me the way
I may not always listen
I'm stubborn, you know 
But I'm learning
So be patient

Saturday, September 21, 2013


You are disappointed
in me?
by me?
These aren't first world problems
you say
to me?
Well, you didn't disappoint me
because I had no
You told me not to
have any at all
and so I didn't
But I did feel things
worse than disappointment
hate. Anger
You made me hate
You made me angry
and now
You blame me
because I'm the childish little
bitch here?
Maybe I am childish
Maybe I am a bitch
but you know what you are?
You are all of that too
Because I am to blame
but so are you

Just a Kid

I'm still a kid
Don't you know that?
I may make demands
I may want to always
have my way
But that's because
I'm still a kid
And I know
you don't see a kid
when you look at me
and you notice the grown up features
the grown up things I do
But I'm still nineteen
a teenager
doing things most
twenty two year old don't do
So don't treat me
like an adult
you do this sometimes
and it hurts
and its overwhelming
When you look at me
imagine your self
when you were my age
treat me like a kid
because I'm still
just a kid

Friday, September 20, 2013

Stories of the past

You never knew
About my present
Do you realize that?
You only knew
Of my long ago past
Do you realize that?
For some reason
Even I don't know
I left you in the dark
I chose what stories
I should tell you
You thought you knew it all
But that's okay
It wouldn't have mattered
The story telling soon stopped
You left, then I left
We both left
But we left each other

Thursday, September 19, 2013

eyes half closed

eyes half closed
or half open
maybe both
but they are
tired beyond the
usual tiredness
of having lived
she counts the
how much time
has passed
but her mind
wanders too much
her mind needs sleep
her body
screams for it
one more thing
to do though
leave a message
not for others to know
she lived through the day
just another day
but to remind her self
when things start going
that on a day of the past
she lived through
something similar
or something
she survived
she was still alive
So eyes
half open
half closed
'dear diary'
she writes

Wednesday, September 18, 2013

his smile so haunting
his look piercing, daunting
walks away, defeated

why dream when you can
do without false hope he said
as he walked away


"How are you?"
He asks her
She smiles
as she always does
when questions are asked
She thinks,
answer yes
and lie
at least he wouldn't
Or answer no,
tell the truth,
but he'll want to know
the reason
Her smile has now
and the seconds are passing
she knows he's waiting for her
And as he looks at her
he notices every thing
even the slightest shift
in her expression
But she doesn't know that
he notices
for she thinks
he's dumb,
like all the other men
So she chooses her reply
shrugs and says,
"I'm okay"
smiles again
to say, she's not
He thinks she knows that
he knows
its an act
but she doesn't
So he asks
no more questions
instead giving her
the time and space she needs
before she can tell him
She thinks
he doesn't care
like all the other men

Monday, September 16, 2013


We knew what heartbreak was
Even before we could walk
We knew what it was like to expect
And then have your dreams crushed

Our hearts were broken not by people
We cried tears not for others
Our tears were for scraped knees
Broken hearts for toys we didn't get

We built houses, where our stories were told
Walls and a roof, to keep us safe
They were not made of brick or stone
Playhouses where our childhood was spent

Sunday, September 15, 2013

The real me

Do you even know who I am?
Now, don't say that you do
Because I know you don't
How can you know me
When I haven't told you anything
And you've only seen
A fraction of who I am
So don't say you know me,
Because you don't
And I don't want you to
Yes, I don't want you
Or anyone else to know who I am
Secrets, you can't keep
And you'll tell everyone
And they'll know everything
Soon enough
Who I am
Won't be a mystery
And so I won't tell you
And I won't let you know
The real me
I remember how you smirked
When I told you
'There's me, the loud chatterbox
The one who is lost
And messy and
The one who doesn't care.
Then there's me, the real me
I know where I'm headed
Or rather I know
Where I want to be
But I'm scared
For what I want
Isn't what I need'
So I won't tell you
Or even attempt to
Like I did moments ago
For you will dismiss it,
Childish stories
Attention seeker
Wanna be emo girl
And I will never let you know
Or see
The person I am.
So don't ever tell me
That you know who I am
Because you don't
And you never will

Friday, September 13, 2013

Faces in a Crowd

Do you look at the faces
In a crowd?
Do you look into their eyes
And read their stories?
Do you notice their
Bodily imperfections?
Do you see how beautiful
They all are?
Do you see their lives as they
Walk by?
Do you smile to tell them you
Know their secrets?
Or are you too busy
To notice the faces?
Do you not look up at the
Ambulance roaring past you?
Do you realize that soon enough
You'll be in one?
Do you just let life go on
Without ever living?

Wednesday, September 11, 2013

the Happy Page

The Happy Page said,
this is what happiness is
definitions of happiness
I looked at
image after image
liking some
agreeing with others
pyjama weekends
reading your chat history
the list went on
and happiness is all of that
not just one thing,
or one moment
And I realized
there were ways of feeling happy
that I hadn't even thought about
so I will make a bucket list
and I will be happy

Sunday, September 8, 2013

Reading my blog

"He reads your blog,
You know?"
You told me
Over and over again
Of course I know,
He reads it
And a few others do too
"But you write about your life
Have you mentioned me?"
What is it you are afraid of?
Do you not want people
To know we are friends?
Are you ashamed of our friendship?
"It's just...
I think you shouldn't be putting up
Your life on the web"
It's my blog,
And I'll post whatever I want
Not your problem
"Well, can I at least read it?
What's the link?"
You found the page,
Do you go back there?
Do you like what you see?
"You don't want to be my friend
In the future?
But I thought..."
A few lines into reading my posts
You had already
Misunderstood what I said
Go read the other one
The one I post on Facebook
You may like that more

Thursday, September 5, 2013

Writing for you

I wait for an update
Checking your blog
Nearly everyday
But then it slowly
Dawned on me
That the waiting was useless
For just how I
Slowly stopped writing
For you
You stopped writing for me
And we became two people
Who once made
Memories together
And now
Our blogs remain
The posts not for each other
About each other
But never for
That's how life is,
I've learned
That's how love is
You taught me
I can live with
The thousands of reasons
Why it wasn't meant to be
But I can't live with why
We didn't let it be

Shooting Stars

I had no list
For Santa Claus
I had no wishes
For the shooting stars
I couldn't afford
To dream or hope
For the world is no
Wish granting factory
And yet as the night ended
Another day gone by
We stood there
Hand in hand
Watching the waves crash
Into each other
Our hearts beating as one
Yearning for all that we can't have

Write to Reconcile

Page after page
that new book smell
small black letters
carved into
untouched paper
our names on print
the words
we put together
day and night
creating a
not always
fictitious world
where characters came alive
our thoughts given a voice
and now
the book in print
we hold it
too scared that
our human touch
will wake us up
for this reality
is so perfect
the moments
they seem like
a dream

Tuesday, September 3, 2013

We hoped

We hoped beyond
What life allowed us
We wished beyond
What we could afford
We dreamed of things
We could never have
We pictured a life
We could never live
We crossed the borders
We were warned against
We found our selves
Wandering away from home
We looked for treasures
Where there were none
We lost our way
And we lost each other