Expectations

My mantra is simple
Zero expectations lead to zero disappointment
Easier said than done
But once you get the hang of it
You lower your expectations
Just so you can avoid disappointment
And so life goes on
And mine did
I found it easy to expect nothing from people
And I found that in fact
I was disappointed far less than I used to be
But then
Something went wrong somewhere
And I started applying this to myself
I had zero expectations of myself
Just so I would never disappoint myself
And now
Here I am
Without even an ounce of confidence
Self-esteem
It's all gone
Washed away with
All those expectations I once had of myself
And I want to be crushed
Torn
That I am crippled by self-doubt
But how can I be disappointed
When I had no expectations?