වෙසක්

සවු කොලේ ගිනිගනී

ඇගේ හිත වගේ

සුලඟ සමග තරහ වී

අටපට්ටම ඇවිස්සුවාට

ඉටිපන්දම පෙරලා

කූඩුව පිච්චුවාට

පන්දම දැල් වෙයි

සුදු තිරය පිටුපස

කහ පාටට දිලෙයි

වෙසක් කූඩුව

ඔහුගෙ සිත වගේ

සන්සුන්ව

What is it about rain

that makes one feel

so deeply unhappy

and so terribly alone?

Better now than never

Strange, isn't it,
how you realize things
when they no longer matter
and it's too late
there's no use anymore
in knowing any better?

Because I know now
it was all in my mind
that you noticed me
enjoyed our conversations
you were just bored
being polite

I remember now a moment
that so clearly told me you knew
and yet, here we are
years later and I still wonder why
and now I know it wasn't bad timing
just lack of shared feelings
the bitter truth
but still the truth

And so I'll set you free now
from my mind, from my heart
go, fly away, like a little bird
go away, far from where I am
I will no longer look for you
in a crowded room
I will no longer wonder
what if... what if... what if...
because now I know
and it breaks my heart but
better now that never

Lemons

In the past few years

I've fallen less in love

I've liked fewer people

Fewer things

I've had less patience

Less tolerance

I've lost more faith in people

I've met few people

I've let go of more

I've like few people

I've disliked just too many

Some I believed to be good

But later learnt weren't the best

Most I've never liked from the start

And is this part of growing up

Becoming an adult

Because they tell you that

The older you are

The more you know

But it seems like

The older I get

The more bitter I am

She made a wish

She was five when Athamma told her about kingfishers

And how they are messengers of the wish granting factory

That was in a faraway land but would always find time

To make her wishes come true

So she waited and waited, hoping to see a kingfisher take flight

Because a wish made at that exact moment was guaranteed to

Reach the factory and the kind factory-workers

But not a single kingfisher budged from the power cables while she watched

She was eight when she was told about birthday wishes

The cake was a butter cake; too hard, too stale

No icing on it to hide its dark brown, burnt face

On it, in the middle, a white candle

Not the thin, striped ones usually on birthday cakes

But thick and heavy, saved for power cuts

And she was told to secretly make a wish

Right as she blew away the flame

And as she cut the cake with the same knife used to cut vegetables

She made a second wish hoping her first would come true

She was thirteen when she was told about eyelashes

And even though the kingfisher and birthday candles had failed her

She still had hope in the way only the desperate can have

And so her eyes lit when he held the eyelash on his finger

After it had gently landed on her cheek

Closing her eyes, she made a wish

And hoped this time the factory would receive it

And then she felt his lips on hers

And she surrendered knowing her wishes won’t be heard

She was eighteen when she was told of the fortune

Brought to her by her little bundle of joy

As she lay on the dirty hospital bed

They asked her to think of a name for her child

She was too young to know any better

And even though every inch of her body still ached

She saw all the wishes that could be granted

Through the tiny baby in her arms

And when the wishes went ungranted

She blamed her baby’s loud wails that may have silenced them

She was twenty six when she was given the coin

It was made the same year as she was born

She hid it in a rose pink handkerchief

Tucked into the blouse she wore

And prayed she didn’t lose it somehow

Whenever she wanted something to believe in

Whenever she couldn’t love her child enough

She touched the coin hidden in her blouse

So close to her heart, so close, yet so far

She was thirty two when he told her about rainbows

As they watched a film on the old television

In a hotel room that didn’t cost too much

His clothes on the floor, hers folded on a chair

She felt his hand comb through her hair

And then continue its journey down her back

He told her to make a wish

But she reminded him the rainbow wasn’t real

Nothing is, he said and smiled

And then pushed her onto the bed again

She was forty four when she noticed the time was 11.11

And she remembered to make a wish

So she closed her eyes, feeling like a child

Giggled even, as she made her wish

Her daughter interrupted her before she could finish

And so she knew that wish wouldn’t come true either

Taking her grandson from his mother’s arms

She walked to the kitchen to feed him some rice

And just as she wondered if wishes ever come true

She felt her grandson’s teeth cut through her skin

A sigh from the wish granting factory, maybe

She thought as she nursed her wound

She was fifty nine when she was told about the full moon

It was Vesak, she remembered

He was almost still a child

He didn’t even notice her

She lay on the cool cement pavement

Hoping the police wouldn’t chase her away

People with ice cream cones in there hands

Walked away from the annual dansala

He held hands with a pretty girl his age

Said to her, ‘make a wish’

And she told him her only wish had come true

Smiling shyly at him

And as they walked away from her

She looked up at the golden moon

Her eyes too weak to see the hare living on it

And she wished a wish so small

Not even the gods could hear it

She was sixty seven when they took her

To the well that was believed to have magical powers

Make a wish and have it come true

The man selling tickets priced at twenty rupees told her

Crushing her ticket in her hand, she walked up to the small well

Pushing through the people around it, she peered in to see the dark black water

Closing her eyes for a moment

She whispered to the well her wish

But it didn’t seem to hear her

Amid all the wish-makers around it

She was seventy two and in pain

She could see the sky through the open windows

A cool wind blew in, making her shiver

But she didn’t have the strength to pull the bed sheet closer

A young man in a white uniform

Came to close the window near her

She lifted her arm to stop him but he only saw her

After the window was shut and curtains drawn

Were you looking at the night sky?

He asked, and she nodded the faintest nod

But smiled her last smile when he said

Wishing upon the stars perhaps

But what’s the use if no one listens?

Hypocrites

It's all bullshit, isn't it?Our values and morals
Just plain old bullshit

Men in golden robes
They call themselves the Sangha
And yet, curse and swear
Forgetting the Dhamma

A friend tells me what a bitch another is
Such a cheat, so shameless and I wonder
Where her anger goes as she
Hugs the other and exchanges compliments

The author speaks at a book launch
Of another and says how great the new book is
But once home, safe from the world
He posts on Facebook that the book deserves no shelf space

He talks about how great a human he is; ethics and decency
And he tightens his tie, as if  reminding himself of his other virtues
But then he forgets everything he preaches as he gives his staff so much work
They can't even leave at six

She calls herself a feminist and fights against injustice
She calls men the evil monsters that walk among us
But she forgets the magical word of equality as she keeps quiet
When men are objectified just the way women are

Conversations

Late night conversations

Become longer and longer

Not because there is more to say

But because there is nothing at all to be said

Our 'how was your day?' segment used to take a minute

Now it takes days for the question to be asked and answered

And our goodbyes are shorter now, have you noticed?

We used to talk until we could no longer stay awake

We used to delay our goodbyes until we could no more

And now, here we are, rushing to them even before we get through our hellos

And sometimes I want to ask you what went wrong

As I struggle to answer your simple inquiries about my mundane life

But wouldn't that one question, so different from the usual

A relief even, from our carbon copy conversations

Wouldn't it be the very last asked?

So then shall we just leave Pandora's Box shut

And pretend we are as we always were;

Happy?

Dancer

Ah! You are back
With your smooth dance moves
Spins and bows
And rehearsed steps
You claim you heard the music again
The cursed music of the heart
And so here you are
Dancing for me again
And so I too don the stockings and ballet shoes
Tiptoe around you
As if performing on a stage of eggshells
And you
True to your chosen profession
Seduce me with your salsa
Make me fall in love with your tango
And then waltz out of my life even before the music ends

(Untitled)

When it's dark and quiet and I'm wake
Or when it's a sunny day and I'm alone
I break down the barriers between you and I
And give myself the freedom to think and wonder

And then I see your skin, like yellowed porcelain
And feel its warmth against me
And those sketches that turned your skin into a canvas
And those crisscrossing lines that scarred your arms

Then comes the flood of red
The way you would have bled
When you drew those lines
Carved them into your skin

And I worry about you, even though I need not
You are no longer the artist you once were
But I can't help wondering if you'll ever
Choose art on skin over words on paper

But darling if you ever feel the need
To see dark red rivulets cut through smooth terrain
Remember that you are so much more
Than the scars that cover your pale arms.

Daisies.

They will tell you that

You just aren't pretty enough

And even if they don't

They will let you know

In the way they pity you

And not notice you in a crowd

All the women who say

Beauty doesn't matter

Will tell you that

Makeup may help

All the men who say

Beauty isn't a requirement

Won't turn back for a second look

They won't remember your face

But darling

In a world of color

Purples and reds

Deep greens

It's your unaffected goodness

Pure as a full moon

Simple as a daisy

That will survive

Even on the loneliest day