Snap

you sent my mind
hurtling through
the land of possibility
giving me a glimpse of
everything my life could be
with you
and then you
took it all away
with a snap of your fingers
that brought me back to
reality

- you and I
  standing next to each other
  yet, a million miles
  between us

Ocean

Remember that day
We woke up early to
Watch the sunrise?

The ocean was still
Quiet
Waves barely visible

This is what
Your love feels like

There's no drowning
No turmoil
Chaos
Everything fall into place

But here's the catch:

I grew up by the ocean
An ocean that was rough and angry
Crashed into the sand
Spraying water everywhere

And when I'm with you
It's that ocean
That I want

Corny

i hate that i
still think about you

Anitya

I thought it would be temporary

You going away

I thought you'd come back

But now I know you won't

So maybe you did it

You found something that would last

And me?

I'm happy for you

doomed

Why do you think
every relationship is doomed
from the beginning?


I think about all the relationships I've seen
Collapse to the ground
Come down like a jenga tower
Taking down people who thought they were in love
That they'd found the one

I look at this woman
Asking me this question
I remain silent
But I want to scream

Truth

It didn't feel like I thought it would

Perhaps it was the booze that was coursing through my body
In my blood
Not taken to dull this moment
To give me the courage to say what I did
None of this was planned
You asked me a question and I thought
Fuck it
Just be honest
It wouldn't matter tomorrow
So I told you my truth
And before you could say anything about it
Someone interrupted our conversation
And your attention was focused elsewhere

I sat there, cradling my drink
Waiting for the relief to kick in
The weight of what I'd just accepted
Instead I felt nothing
So I turned to whoever was seated to my left
And went on with life as if nothing had happened

Desire

As we stood there

Talking about god knows what

Our bodies inching closer together

Because the room was getting crowded

I had a desire to lean in and kiss you

This was more than what I'd felt in months

So I expected a wildfire to spread within me

But instead

All I felt was the faintest need

To feel your body against mine

Is this what happens to your mind

When you deprive it of feeling

Just because you are too scared to

Let loose?

Is this what happens when your heart

Has been limited to the mundane function

Of pumping blood

Instead of tightening at the mere thought of someone?

This is what gets to me the most

The fact you are gone

And I'm still here

Blurred vision

A year or so ago, when I complained of terrible headaches

My mother insisted I have my eyesight checked

"You are always in front of that computer" she said

Making no reference to the glasses I bought years ago

But never wore

I read out the letters pointed to on that lit up screen

Struggling with the smallest of them

Worrying about having to wear glasses

Which screwed with my mind and made it impossible to

Even walk

But my eyesight was fine, nothing wrong there

My ability to focus on objects close to me...

Now that was another matter entirely

I was told to do some exercises and return

But I never went back

...

While practicing yoga, we lie on our stomachs

Our arms stretched beneath our bodies, chin stretched forward

We raise our legs at the second inhalation

I dread this asana for two reasons

Firstly, I'm afraid I wouldn't be able to raise my legs

Although I always find the strength to do so

Secondly, I hate how the pattern on my mat

Blends in to become one blur of colour

During this asana only

And not during the others that bring my face so close to the ground

The turquoise mat, with its fish scale-like pattern

Becomes an ocean that makes me afraid that

My eyes will never be able to focus on what's held right in front of me

...

Perhaps sensing how vulnerable this makes me

My cruel, cruel mind plays tricks on me

Turning the world into a blurry mess even when I'm not

On a yoga mat, preparing for an asana

On days like today, when they seem absolutely ordinary at first

My mind clicks between the sharpness of my surroundings

And an ocean of colour running into each other

Making it impossible to focus, to walk, to talk, to think

Making it impossible to breathe

And in these moments, when nothing is clear to me anymore

And the ground feels shaky, my legs made of gelatin

I want to be swallowed whole, taken away

Set free

mother

You need to let me go
You need to set me free
You need to say it'll okay
That you wouldn't miss me so

You need to cut these strings
That tie me to this place
You need to use the sharpest scissors
Not worry about the pain

Because it'll hurt
Both you and I
We will bleed and weep
Wish we could rewind

But the truth is this
And it comes with no coating
No sand-like sugar
To make it less bitter

These strings tying me to you
Are tangled around my neck
And every time I try to fly away
They steal the air I need to breathe

So clip them off
These strings, my wings
Slash my wrists
Bind my legs

But let go of me
Set me free
I may leave but I
Will always come back to you