Sugar and salt

I realize now
That what I miss
Isn't you

It's how happy I was
During the short time
I knew you

Maybe it is you
But people, I've learned,
Are replaceable

Emotions
Are a different story
Entirely

After all
There are substitutes for sugar
When I make a cup of tea

But no ingredient in this world
Can match what salt does
To a curry

Fear

Sometimes
I'm consumed by this fear
Rooted in the pain you caused
And the love I still feel for you.

February 14

Yesterday

When I was surrounded by love
That belonged to other people
And was filled with none
Myself

I didn't miss you one bit

And it scared me
Just a little too much

Bad guy

And when it came down to it
I couldn't cut off that final string
Connecting you to me
I had the scissors in my hand
I wanted to get rid of you completely
But I just couldn't
And it wasn't because I wanted you
It wasn't because I cared about you

I'm just too tired of always being the bad guy
Paying for crimes I never committed
Doing the dirty work because no one else wants to

So pick up those scissors
Cut all ties between us
Do this one thing for me
I'm begging you

Wind

Do you know what it is like

To have your heart broken into such tiny pieces

That you are afraid to move

In case you stir the sleeping air around you

And the pieces of your heart

Get blown away

Leaving you forever incomplete

Forever broken-hearted

What did you do?

What did you do to me boy
To make me write so much for you
Even when it's been so long
Since anything happened between us
For anyone to know for whom I write
And it's been so long that
I should be forgetting
Your voice, your face
Everything
Everything
But you did something to me boy
And now I can't forget
Even when I want to

ABC

I'm like a child
Struggling to learn
The alphabet
Because the ABC of pain
I just can't wrap my head around
And whenever I think
I've learned my lesson
Something from the
Deep and raw unknown
Of loss, grief, hurt
Knocks me to the ground
Spits on me
Kicks my sides
Laughs at me
As I struggle to breathe

Why'd you have to leave?

I need you here
To help me out of this rut
This cesspit of pain
That's been collecting since you left

I need you here
To get me back on my feet
To help me breathe
Ease the pain in my chest

I need you here
More than ever before
And my heart aches
Knowing you are never coming back

Distraction

I need someone

-Anyone would do at this point-

To make me forget all about you

Even if only for a moment

Because who'd have thought

The years would pass by

And I'd still be stuck

Thinking about you

Afraid

I was afraid because
He was an adult and I a child
And who would they believe
A little girl
Who could so easily be
Misreading a situation
They were too young to fully understand
Or an adult
A responsible one at that

I was afraid because
I was an adult and he a child
And they wouldn't believe this child
Was old enough to make a woman uncomfortable
Say such sexually explicit things
They would shame me for
Misreading the situation
Making things up

I was afraid because
I didn't want him near me
His hands on me
But he dismissed my resistance
And who would they believe
The significant other
Or the girl who didn't actually say no

I was

I am afraid because
I can't move
I feel trapped
Can't breathe
Everything
Is closing in
The walls
Him
Next to me
His sticky body
Right side
Pressed against my left
And please may it be a mistake
Maybe he's asleep
Maybe I'm taking too much space on this seat
If I say anything
The other passengers
Will they make it worse for me
Breathe in
Breathe out
Maybe I'm misreading the situation
Maybe I'm

I'm just so afraid