You

Liar

Deceiver

Betrayer

Cheater

Unloved

Unseen

Unknown

Unwanted

Why did we

Why did we dream,
knowing our dreams
would never come true?
Why did we hope
knowing the odds were
against us?
Why did we pray
knowing the gods weren't
listening?
Why did we love
knowing our love wouldn't
stand the test of time?

We dreamed because
our hearts were young and
the world was ours
we hoped because
hand in hand, it seemed like
all we could do
we prayed because
we thought our prayers
would be heard by someone
we loved because
that is what we thought
the world wanted us to do

All Worth Fighting For

You,
hiding behind
people
lost in the
shadows
unheard of
unseen
unloved
And yet,
he notices you
he sees the
hope in your eyes
a faint glimmer
but it is there
for you still
hope
and dream
of love
of happiness
even when the scars itch
reminding you
of the world's darkness
the world's evil
You still believe
and he notices
He holds out his hand
for you to take
at first hesitant,
you might be
but take his hand
let him pull you up
brush away the dried leaves
and twigs
tangled in your hair
let him wipe away the tears
and let him make you smile
you will then see
in his eyes
the same sadness
seen in yours
and you will also see that
faint glimmer of hope
in his eyes,
the way he saw it
in yours

This isn't a love story
this isn't about
finding your soul mate
there will be no heartbreak
or love letters burnt
This is the story
of two wounded soldiers
fighting against the world
their weapons are love
kindness and faith
ironic,
but such is life
and they will walk on,
limping,
but they wont give up
for when they see the world's
hate and anger,
they lose hope
but then,
they look into each others eyes
and they see
that glimmer of everything
worth fighting for

Our Journey

Over the mountains
we will go
cross valleys
large
and valleys green
we will sail beyond
oceans blue
and seas stormy
seas sleeping
we will walk from
desert to desert
we will swim across lakes
and rivers
fly over the lands
and through the clouds
we will see the world
and we will learn it all

And why us
you ask
why not someone else?
why does the world
want us to know
the secrets it hid
for centuries
and more
why make us
walk on bloodied feet
why make us have
sleepless nights
of hunger
why do we need to
let the dust
coat our skin
and swat at the flies
that land on our
matted, unwashed hair?

Yes, why indeed
not let another
go on the adventure
meant for us
Why not say no
to the world's
invitation
to explore and discover
maybe even,
invent
why not take up
the greatest journey
to unravel the mysteries
of this world
why not listen to the songs
of the winds
and the stories
of the thunder?
why not play along to the games
of the oceans
and why not let the
sun write our story?

Why say no to the secrets
why not discover
love and hope?
Why not make our
dreams come true
why not have more hope
and faith?

Instead we sit through
our everyday lives
the same old things
routines,
boring and
repititive
We don't leave the comfort of our homes
even when our homes are
roofless
empty
we cling on to what little we have
and don't listen to the
calling of the earth
then when we are too weak
and old
we hear that calling once again
and we want to set out on that journey
but too late it is
much too late

The storage cupboard

I stand there

Tired

Breathing hard

My chest

Slightly aching

And I can't take

Another step

I just wan t to

Keep staring

At the storage

Cupboard

Wood painted

Brown

Glass front

With a

Lock that struggles

And then I notice

We are the

Same height now

The days I had

To stand on tiptoe

To reach the top shelf

Long gone

Without being noticed

By me

Will you come with me?

 Will you come with me

To a cemetery

When the sun is setting

And the skies are dark?

Will you keep me company

While I walk among

Of tombstones

Of the dead?

Will you hold my hand

When the leaves rustle

And the homeless ghosts

Come out to play?

Will you come with me

To a cemetery

To watch the sun set

Behind the graves?

silence

silence
    silence
whimpering
    warning
crying
     hushing
howling
    threatening
howling
    beating
howling
    kicking
silence
    silence

Moment of Surender

There are two things
I remember perfectly well
of that trip back home

It was the usual flight
to Colombo,
except the weather was
stormy.
There is another exception
too
and that is what I remember
the most
We didn't get our usual seats
not in Business Class
or Economy
No, our seats were right behind
the men who held the pen
that writes
our stories
the men who could decide to write
The End whenever they felt like it
Or so I like to think
even though I know of
Auto Pilot and all those
beeping lights
and broken voices
Forget all that though,
what mattered the most was the view
the night sky
and thunder
booming around us
a silent threat
but a threat nevertheless
And let me tell you this
people who believe in heaven
that is what heaven should look like
the night sky
on a stormy day
seen from the cockpit
of a plane
And they,
the pilots,
laughed and chatted with us
Munching on pretzels and
catching up on life

While I sat there,
my brother next to me
I felt something more than just joy
I surendered
to life
I knew that if
something went wrong
I wouldn't survive the crash
But it didn't matter
because life was too
beautiful
at that moment
to care about the end
It was too perfect to
wonder if it wouldn't last long
And so I surendered
And I survived

Needles and ink

Yes,

I am afraid of needles

Blood tests?

I'd rather die

Oh the tattoo?

I can explain

The pain was worth it

How long?

One hour

Thirty minutes

Five times,

Over and over again

The needle scraped through my skin

It hurt

I wished for death

But soon

I was numb to the pain

We all get that way, I guess

About various things in life

We get used to the pain

And then it's all over

The buzzing of the world

And you look at

The most beautiful

Work of art

You have ever seen

And at that moment of pure happiness

The pain

Was worth it

The pain was

Acceptable even

I still shudder

At the thought of

Blood tests

But if they too

Left beautiful reminders

Maybe, I wouldn't

Dread them

As much

Death

She is dying,
they say
aren't we all
I ask
they shoot me looks
asking me to
only talk when
absolutely necessary
She's dying
they say again
as if none of us
knew before
as if this is all
sudden and
shocking
even though
it's not
we await this news
patiently
since the day we are born
if it's not him
it will be her
or maybe someone else
either way
we are all going
and we can accept this
during those moments
between
dying and death
but when the clock strikes
a particular hour
when there is simply
no more life
the fear
the denial
we don't want to go
for death,
unknown to us,
it robs us of everything
most of all,
of what we love the most,
life

The forgotten place

I went back to that place

You told me about

The place where a version of you

Still lives

I don't know if

I'm it's only visitor now

In an ocean if them

Blogs soon go forgotten

But there

I read that penultimate post

And I realized something about you

That even though you walk

Your head held high

A cigarette dangling at your lips

You are still that

Scared and scarred

Boy you were

Three years ago

And nothing has changed

But no one knows

And I can't tell you either

You are the boy

Who enjoys sitting in the scorching sun

Just to be away from the voices

You are the loner

Who tries to make others fit in

Only because you too, don't

But no body knows

And now I see a different side of you

Happy, goofy and funny

Is this the real you,

I wonder at times,

And I'm happy of this change

But then I remember

The scared and scarred boy

And I'll visit your secret place

Every now and then

Because it feels like

If I'd known you back then

We wouldn't be the strangers

We are today

regardless

I can't tell you

where I'll be

this time

next year

I can't promise to

be there for you

when everything

crashes to the ground

I can't promise to

hold your hand

or lend a shoulder

for you to cry on

I can't tell you

if I'll still be here

to listen to you

and be there for you

Yet, know that

regardless of

my promises

and stupid decisions

Regardless of

all the hurtful

things

I say to you

Regardless of

each time

I pushed you away

from me

Regardless of all that

if you come to me, broken

I will fix everything

I possibly could

I wouldn't do this

because I

still love you

in one way or the other

or because I

have a heart

that forgives

and forgets

or because I am

too tired to

let the past

haunt my future

But because

no matter what

I can't look at your eyes

and let you go, again

Soap bubbles

The night was young

But it was dark

And it was tired

I should have

Noticed the stars

And the moon

The clouds

But I didn't

Excuses I can give

But I won't

Because

The memory of tonight

Would have been better

More beautiful

If I had noticed

The stars,

Moon

And clouds

But I remember

Everything else

Our smiles

Laughter

Happiness

As we blew

Soap bubble

After

Soap bubble

Into the deep

Dark sky

And people could have

Laughed

Because none of us

Were kids

But it didn't matter

I wasn't nineteen

Scared and lost

No,

I was back in the past

Ten years

Carefree

Happy

Blowing soap bubbles

fairy lights

You and i
different worlds
we lived in
but we made
our own little world
where there were rainbows
that ended
at pots of gold
the sun peeked over
mountains and hills
covered in grass they were
fireflies danced against the night skies
the stars and fairy lights
and wishes and dreams
we made this world
you and i
and we took up residence
in that world
but our stay
wasn't forever
the ticket in
had an expiry day
slowly the
fairy lights
fireflies
stars
became a distant memory
and we knew
our time was up
the sun screamed
and burned us
not with hatred
or anger
but warning
'leave
before its too late
leave
before you see each other
for who you really are
leave
before...'
did we listen?
no
not until
it was too late
for you and i
and when we finally bade
our world goodbye
there was very little
left of it
but most of all
there was very little
left of
us

Be patient

Be patient

I'm still learning

Be patient

I'm still a kid

Be patient

I need you to

Be patient

Promise you will

I don't know

What I should do

I don't know

What I shouldn't do

I'll make mistakes

Not one or two

But I'll learn from them

I promise I will

So be patient

You were a child once

Don't teach me

Show me the way

I may not always listen

I'm stubborn, you know 

But I'm learning

So be patient

Disappointed

You are disappointed
in me?
by me?
These aren't first world problems
you say
to me?
Well, you didn't disappoint me
because I had no
expectations
You told me not to
have any at all
and so I didn't
But I did feel things
worse than disappointment
hate. Anger
You made me hate
You made me angry
and now
You blame me
because I'm the childish little
bitch here?
Maybe I am childish
Maybe I am a bitch
but you know what you are?
You are all of that too
Because I am to blame
but so are you

Just a Kid

I'm still a kid
Don't you know that?
I may make demands
I may want to always
have my way
But that's because
I'm still a kid
And I know
you don't see a kid
when you look at me
and you notice the grown up features
the grown up things I do
But I'm still nineteen
a teenager
doing things most
twenty two year old don't do
So don't treat me
like an adult
you do this sometimes
and it hurts
and its overwhelming
suffocating
frustrating
When you look at me
imagine your self
when you were my age
treat me like a kid
because I'm still
just a kid

Stories of the past

You never knew

About my present

Do you realize that?

You only knew

Of my long ago past

Do you realize that?

For some reason

Even I don't know

I left you in the dark

I chose what stories

I should tell you

You thought you knew it all

But that's okay

It wouldn't have mattered

The story telling soon stopped

You left, then I left

We both left

But we left each other

eyes half closed

tired
eyes half closed
or half open
maybe both
but they are
tired
tired beyond the
usual tiredness
of having lived
she counts the
days
months
years
how much time
has passed
but her mind
wanders too much
her mind needs sleep
her body
screams for it
one more thing
to do though
leave a message
not for others to know
she lived through the day
just another day
but to remind her self
when things start going
downhill
that on a day of the past
she lived through
something similar
or something
worse
she survived
she was still alive
So eyes
half open
or
half closed
'dear diary'
she writes

his smile so haunting
his look piercing, daunting
walks away, defeated

why dream when you can
do without false hope he said
as he walked away

Okay

"How are you?"

He asks her

She smiles

as she always does

when questions are asked

She thinks,

answer yes

and lie

at least he wouldn't

worry

Or answer no,

tell the truth,

but he'll want to know

the reason

Her smile has now

faded

and the seconds are passing

she knows he's waiting for her

answer

And as he looks at her

he notices every thing

even the slightest shift

in her expression

But she doesn't know that

he notices

for she thinks

he's dumb,

ignorant,

like all the other men

So she chooses her reply

shrugs and says,

"I'm okay"

smiles again

to say, she's not

He thinks she knows that

he knows

its an act

but she doesn't

So he asks

no more questions

instead giving her

the time and space she needs

before she can tell him

She thinks

he doesn't care

like all the other men

stupid,

dumb,

ignorant

Childhood

We knew what heartbreak was

Even before we could walk

We knew what it was like to expect

And then have your dreams crushed

Our hearts were broken not by people

We cried tears not for others

Our tears were for scraped knees

Broken hearts for toys we didn't get

We built houses, where our stories were told

Walls and a roof, to keep us safe

They were not made of brick or stone

Playhouses where our childhood was spent

The real me

Do you even know who I am?

Now, don't say that you do

Because I know you don't

How can you know me

When I haven't told you anything

And you've only seen

A fraction of who I am

So don't say you know me,

Because you don't

And I don't want you to

Yes, I don't want you

Or anyone else to know who I am

Secrets, you can't keep

And you'll tell everyone

And they'll know everything

Soon enough

Who I am

Won't be a mystery

And so I won't tell you

And I won't let you know

The real me

I remember how you smirked

When I told you

'There's me, the loud chatterbox

The one who is lost

And messy and

The one who doesn't care.

Then there's me, the real me

I know where I'm headed

Or rather I know

Where I want to be

But I'm scared

For what I want

Isn't what I need'

So I won't tell you

Or even attempt to

Like I did moments ago

For you will dismiss it,

Childish stories

Attention seeker

Wanna be emo girl

And I will never let you know

Or see

The person I am.

So don't ever tell me

That you know who I am

Because you don't

And you never will

Faces in a Crowd

Do you look at the faces

In a crowd?

Do you look into their eyes

And read their stories?

Do you notice their

Bodily imperfections?

Do you see how beautiful

They all are?

Do you see their lives as they

Walk by?

Do you smile to tell them you

Know their secrets?

Or are you too busy

To notice the faces?

Do you not look up at the

Ambulance roaring past you?

Do you realize that soon enough

You'll be in one?

Do you just let life go on

Without ever living?

the Happy Page

The Happy Page said,

this is what happiness is

illustrations

accompanying

definitions of happiness

I looked at
image after image

liking some

agreeing with others

pyjama weekends

reading your chat history

the list went on

and happiness is all of that

not just one thing,
or one moment
And I realized
there were ways of feeling happy
that I hadn't even thought about
so I will make a bucket list
and I will be happy

Reading my blog

"He reads your blog,

You know?"

You told me

Over and over again

Of course I know,

He reads it

And a few others do too

"But you write about your life

Have you mentioned me?"

What is it you are afraid of?

Do you not want people

To know we are friends?

Are you ashamed of our friendship?

"It's just...

I think you shouldn't be putting up

Your life on the web"

It's my blog,

And I'll post whatever I want

Not your problem

"Well, can I at least read it?

What's the link?"

You found the page,

Do you go back there?

Do you like what you see?

"You don't want to be my friend

In the future?

But I thought..."

A few lines into reading my posts

You had already

Misunderstood what I said

Sigh!

Go read the other one

The one I post on Facebook

You may like that more

Writing for you

I wait for an update

Checking your blog

Nearly everyday

But then it slowly

Dawned on me

That the waiting was useless

For just how I

Slowly stopped writing

For you

You stopped writing for me

And we became two people

Who once made

Memories together

And now

Our blogs remain

The posts not for each other

Sometimes

About each other

But never for

That's how life is,

I've learned

That's how love is

You taught me

I can live with

The thousands of reasons

Why it wasn't meant to be

But I can't live with why

We didn't let it be

Shooting Stars

I had no list

For Santa Claus

I had no wishes

For the shooting stars

I couldn't afford

To dream or hope

For the world is no

Wish granting factory

And yet as the night ended

Another day gone by

We stood there

Hand in hand

Watching the waves crash

Into each other

Our hearts beating as one

Yearning for all that we can't have

Write to Reconcile

Page after page
that new book smell
small black letters
carved into
untouched paper
our names on print
the words
we put together
day and night
creating a
not always
fictitious world
where characters came alive
our thoughts given a voice
and now
the book in print
we hold it
too scared that
our human touch
will wake us up
for this reality
is so perfect
the moments
they seem like
a dream

We hoped

We hoped beyond

What life allowed us

We wished beyond

What we could afford

We dreamed of things

We could never have

We pictured a life

We could never live

We crossed the borders

We were warned against

We found our selves

Wandering away from home

We looked for treasures

Where there were none

We lost our way

And we lost each other

Haunting Secrets

We all have our stories

Memories

With gaping holes

We fill them up

With what we want

Reality to be

Other stories

They can't be shared

Secrets

Too private

To talk about

And those

We give them words too

But never reveal

The whole truth

For we are afraid that

When given words

Our dreamlike secrets

Will become reality

The magic will die

And we will be left with

Ordinary memories

No different from the others

So we write

Poems, stories

Never giving out names

Hoping the unnamed

Will read them

But most of

We just want to

Let go of the secrets

That keep haunting us

Facebook

Facebook

Irresistible

Unforgettable

Can't do without

Your home page

Full of posts

Share to cure cancer

Like if you love your mum

Worse,

The gossip

And status updates

Then there is

That dreadful list

Of all those online

People you avoid

People you hate

And people you don't mind

Next to them all

The little green ball

A sign that they are

Available to talk

But the people you want to

Share a few words with

Even a smiley or two

Ah! The light ain't green

They are never online

When you are

So you choose to

Appear offline

And take on the role

Of a stalker or silent watcher

But then right when you

Open a new tab

With a movie to watch

Or a game to play

'Bing!'

The sound alarms you

Someone says hey

You think,

Should I let them know

I saw their message

Or just ignore it?

It's the never ending game

We all play

Beats Candy Crush

And Criminal Case

About the you I sometimes write about

Sometimes it feels like

I write for someone,

A specific person

The 'you' in the poems

But there isn't a you,

There isn't anyone

Just my imagination

And letters, words I love

Fragments of my life

You will find

Promises made,

Promises broken

They go down as words

On a blog that is my sanctuary

The words are selfish

But so are people

Don't assume

My heart is broken

When I write about love

Long lost

Don't assume

My strings are uncut

When I write about life,

Happiness and joy

The poems,

Take it as they are

Don't give the people faces

Or the memories dates

They are real and they are not

And only I know

You too, maybe

But I doubt you remember

Walk of life

Don't be afraid

If the world is too dark

And you can't see

The road ahead

Don't slow down

Or turn back

Life is too short

To start over again

The fireflies

They'll light the way

And the candles

Too, flames of gold

You will go on

Legs aching,

Feet cracked and bleeding

sea shells

we stepped on the sea shells

eyes watching the sun

our ears hearing no voices

only the song of the waves

the sand covered our wet feet

the wind brushed against our faces

we walked towards the future

our forever waiting to be lived

the shells made us wince slightly in pain

the salt of the ocean cut through out skin

our ears filled with the thick wind

our voices silenced by the great seas

our foot steps washed away

no more are they our's

just you and I now

forever left abandoned, unlived

Constellations

Look!

Nangi, you aren't looking.

There, right there

It's a constellation

Point your finger toward the sky

Your arm stretched

Like my arm.

Now slowly and carefully

Follow my finger,

Trace the stars with me

And unveil what it hides

The bear maybe,

Isn't that your favorite

Constellation?

Or is it the scorpion?

Trace the stars

And I will tell you a story.

A deep dark secret

You see, Nangi,

Once there was a constellation

There was a mother star,

A father star,

Three child stars

One day the mother star left

For the desert lands

She had to light up the sandy acres

You mayn't understand

But the mother star had to

Work hard to keep

Her family happy

So the constellation was missing a star

But they went on

Then the father star left too

He was needed elsewhere

Understand this, my dear,

You are too young, I know

But he didn't go to kill

Even though that's what

The other kids say

No, the father star went to

Fight for his country

But he's yet to come home

Like one of the child stars

He stepped on something bad

And he blew out

The way all stars do at the end.

But he blew out at too young an age.

The two star constellation

Was lost, alone and scared

They stopped being a constellation

Of their own

And instead joined this constellation

And that constellation

Until, there was no where else to go

But no matter what happened

No matter how hard times got

The brother star

Never stopped loving

The sister star

And the sister star never

Left her brother's side

And even when the dark was

So incredibly dark,

They kept shining,

They didn't let the world

Pull them apart

Nangi, the story doesn't end there

Our stories are too long

And too unique

To say it all at once.

But remember,

Don't let the night sky scare you

And don't let the bright sky

Blind you

Nangi, don't leave the constellation

It may be difficult to stay,

But it's even worse to leave.

shadows

the night was made of

silent whispers

that slightly echoed

through the darkness

a candle was lit

stuck on to a

long empty jar of jam

they held their hands

before the flame

and smiled at the shadows

they made

innocence,

the night was full of

as shadowed hands

danced to

silent songs

of their minds

You said

You said,

Promise me

You won't cry,

I didn't promise,

But I did cry

I sobbed and you listened

You said,

We'll always be friends

We didn't promise each other

A forever

And look at us now,

Going our own ways

You said,

I like you,

And I said, I like you

Past tense now

Truth is, there was never any like,

Empty words they were

You said,

Hold on tight

And I did

Feeling safe so close to you

And then you were no more

It was time for you to go

You said,

Let it go,

You are hurting your self

And I let go

Of the past that kept haunting me

Then you too became

A thing of the past

You said,

Why not?

And I said,

Just because,

You can't leave and then

Leave notes

You said,

Good bye

I nodded.

Can't remember if I smiled

I didn't see your smile

And that good bye wasn't good

Love, another poem

Love

They throw the word around

Rob it of all meanings

Except that of romance

'I love you'

So hard to say now

For they panic

'Sorry I don't feel that way'

I feel like telling them,

No, you idiot

I love you

I don't want to

Go out with you

Or be more than friends

I just love you

But they wouldn't listen

They don't know that love

It has other forms

They are too stupid

Too tied up in the

Fairy tales

To believe that

People can love

With no romance involved

පොතක් ඇත

wrote a poem in the language I love the most, after ages!

පොතක් ඇත
එහි නම සාමය වේ
එය දැන් ඇත්තේ
අමතක වී ඇති
මුල්ලකය
පොත් ගුල්ලෝ
එහි පිටු කා ඇත
අනෙක් පිටු
ගැලවී ඇත
දුවිලි වලින්
වැසී ඇත
එහෙත්
කව දා හෝ
එම පොත
නැවතත්
කියවති කවුරු හෝ
පිටු නැවත සවි කර
දුවිලි පිහිදා
එම පොතෙහි
පිටු පෙරලයි
නැවත දිනයක
ලගදී

Post-its

The yellow squares
hints that you
were here
not that long ago
messages scrawled
and stuck around
the computer I use

The yellow squares
to remind me of
this that and the other
'do this' or
'call so-and-so'
for my memory
often fails me

The yellow squares
to keep me strong
'smile, Shailee' or
'you can do this'
words of wisdom
or of interest
I have come across
over the years

The yellow squares
they are everywhere
some stick on
the others fall off
I throw away the ones
with curled in corners
and the ones that remind me
of things I don't want to be reminded of

The yellow squares
they are overwhelming
they suffocate me
and yet, without them
I'll never remember

How far would you go

How far will you go

To save someone?

Would it be a thousand miles
or a thousand days?

Would it be until a thousand
tears are shed?

Would you let one winter
be followed by another?

Or would you only let
one sunset pass?

How far will you go
To save someone?

Would it be just today
or would you give it another day?

How far will you go,
if that someone is you?

What were you like?

What were you like,

When you were my age?

Do you see your self

When you look at me?

Did you smile at the world

Even though, you wanted to cry?

Did you keep your feelings bottled up?

Did you turn to word, written

Instead of word, spoken?

Were you constantly looking for answers

Knowing the answers would only disappoint?

What were you like,

When you were my age?

Are the similarities

Only in hair, features, looks?

Or do they go beyond that

To feelings, thoughts and preferences?

Khaled Hosseini

Khaled Hosseini,
the one man who can
make it seem like
my heart has been sent through
a paper shredder.
Page by page,
you give hope
about each character
And then, you shatter dreams
in a single, simple line

Khaled Hosseini,
Did the mountain really echo?
is the tale too haunting
to read till the end?
I still hear Hassan's voice
from the Kite Runner,
"For you,
a thousand times over."

Khaled Hosseini,
is it you who has thrown me
right back in this
seemingly bottomless pit
of depression?
Are your words so strong,
that they can make
one cry?

Scars

Scars can be
those marks on our skin
when we tripped and fell
a bruised knee
or when the blade sliced our skin
when we thought the physical pain
was better than the mental agony

Scars can be
those marks in our mind
forever reminding us of
memories we wish
we could forget

Scars can be
what others leave behind
when their lives don't
have room for you
anymore

Scars can be
what you leave behind
when you choose to forget
choose to ignore
choose to push away

Scars are a many
and they will all decorate
your skin, your mind
the scars make you
who you are
they are the reason
you are unique

Scars fade away
with time
not all of them
some stay on,
forever a reminder
of what once was

Scars can be erased
with time,
or by effort
you forget,
memory fails you
the scars fade
they stop haunting

Scars, faded or forever,
will be left behind
you will scar
and you will be scarred

Lies

We lie,
to our selves
we convince
our selves
of the truth behind
the lie.
We lie,
to the world
we make them believe
in the truth behind
the lie.
We lie,
to our selves and the world
of the truth behind
the lie.

When we lie,
the truth is buried
beneath the lies
we say.
When we lie to
our selves
the world will tell us
of the lie
and we will see the truth
When we lie to
the world
something in us,
knows it is not the truth
When we lie to our selves and the world,
the lie becomes the truth,
there's no one who really knows.

We lie,
because the truth
is too painful
too truthful
to be the one known.
We lie,
because we have no choice
or we think we don't
there's no hope
in the truth.
We lie,
because in the lie
we find solace
the one thing
the truth can't offer

Epiphany

A sudden realization

That is what I had

An epiphany

A thought that

Makes you say, 'huh!'

It explained things

Not everything

But most things

And as the sky darkened

I felt that relief

The relief of knowing

Of reaching the surface

Of that pit of water

I had been drowning in

I was told,

"You don't love people,

You love the fact that

They love you."

Makes sense now,

You love the need

You don't love the person

The epiphany

Made life lighter

It raised the

Weight

That pulled me down

Little Fly

Little fly,
What are you thinking
As you fly from phone to
book to mug?

Little fly,
You aren't so small
Your last day is closing in
Have you done all you want?

Little fly,
What do you plot
As you rub your hands together
So fast, so quietly?

Little fly,
Is it a prayer
A word of thanks
For the days you've lived so far?

Little fly,
Do you wish
You were bigger than you are
Or less despised?

Little fly,
What's your story?
The places you've been to
Where ever your wings take you

Little fly,
No need to worry
I am not like the others,
I will let you live

Little fly,
It's time now
For you to leave me alone
Find someone else to buzz around

Little fly,
Farewell
It was nice watching you
But answers you didn't give.

Words

Don't say goodbye

For farewells

Cannot be good

Don't say, "I'll see you soon"

For how soon is soon?

Two hours or five months?

Don't say ILY

Three letters don't say what

The three words mean

Don't say, "I miss you"

When you haven't said a word

Each time I walked past you

Don't say you'll be there

When all I get

Are telephone rings

Don't say you are sorry

When we both know

You aren't

Don't say what you don't mean

For we can't afford to

Waste anymore words

Dark skies

The powder blue

Of the mornings young

Or the darker one

Of afternoons bright

Nor the oranges

Or pinks

Of the evenings quiet

It was black

Of the nights so cold

The nights so dark

The nights so empty

It wasn't a shield anymore

No, the sky had chosen

It had chosen the gods of hate

It had chosen to reveal

For the dark skies

Make us remember

The hate

Make us see

The corruption

Make us cry

Of pain, hurt

The dark skies,

They show,

They reveal

Memory

Today's lunch

Just a few hours ago

I remember

Takes me seconds

Pizza

Chicken

Tandoori

Your name

I search my mind

What letter

How long

N?

L?

R?

Memories

Shared with you

They are there

But buried deep

A movie

A conversation

A hug

Slowly fading away

Scaring me

That I forget too soon

That I won't remember

But will I?

Could I?

Should I?

Voices in my head

The voice in my head

Seems to get more louder

I hear it more often

It talks to me

Tells me what to do

The panic attacks

As I call them

Are getting more

Frequent

I cannot breathe

The blackouts

When things go dark

When memory reminds me

I didn't live those moments

They take up too much of my time

The spacing out

I hear less and less

Of what is said,

I see less

I'm there less

The shivers

And cold sweats

Too many times a day

Stronger and stronger

Lasting longer and longer

I ignore them

Or I try to

I smile and pretend

Everything is okay

But nothing is

Thought: The Sun doesn't Set

He stands against the
setting sun
staring into the nothingness
of the oceans great
or the skies so far

Thought: the sun doesn't set
It is stationary.
The Earth orbits around it
We are the ones moving
Forever and ever, until we stop

Thought: knowing the sun is still
doesn't change it's unmoving-ness
knowledge is good, to be yearned for
but knowledge,
it doesn't change the truth

He stands against the
orange skies
darkening with each breath
he smiles, for he knows,
he sees the truth for what it is

Porcelain Doll

A porcelain doll
That's what you are
So perfect and beautiful
And yet so fragile
One fall
And you will shatter into
and infinite number of
pieces
that was once a beautiful
porcelain doll
You are that,
still in the cardboard packing
a lovely gift
but too precious
to play with
so you lie there
as the dust gathers outside
untouched, unseen
too pretty to be played with
too pretty to be useful

You

I watched the blood drain
out of your body
and make a dark red puddle
on the old wooden floor
Your heart giving up,
too desperate to stop
your lungs taking in that final breath
your fingers shook
as the pain shot through
your eye lids fluttered
like butterfly wings
your fair skin was stained
close to your lips
a small scratch in the beautiful
masterpiece that you were

And then I opened my eyes
and saw nothing but darkness
a dream, a thought
I didn't want to know which
But I had watched helplessly
knowing
if tomorrow, you gave up
I mayn't be able to do anything
but stand aside and watch

Presence

You left without a good bye
One day, you were just gone
Not you the person,
He left long before
But your presence
The mug you used
Your clothes
It was almost as if
This had never been your home
But you did leave behind
Something that wasn't enough
A forgotten sarong,
And two prayer books
They weren't enough
To remind us
That once you lived with us
And now you didn't

Wants

I don't want a man who drinks

Because I've seen what a drunk man

Could do.

I don't want a friend who is heartless

Because I've seen what a heartless friend

Could do.

I don't want a parent who doesn't care

Because I've seen what a careless parent

Could do.

And I don't want to need anything

Because I've seen what needs

Could do.

tired

tired eyes can't see
tired hearts can't beat
tired lives can't live
tired minds can't think

tired lips can't sing
tired players can't win
tired boats can't rock
tired lovers can't love

Love

Love with its silence

A quiet existence

It's not in your face,

Your raised eye brows

Or crooked grin

Love with its infinite ways

A suffocating presence

Your smile genuine

As you hold my hand

Praying for my pain to go away

Love with its forgottenness

Once there, now no more

You look away,

As your eyes meet mine

That smile a mere memory

The smile that made everything okay

Love with its discarded life

Thrown away with many a other things

It's in the rare messages

Or gifts or calls

But when we hug

It's the one thing missing

(For all the different loves and different 'you's of my life )

:)

Painter, prisoner, blindman

He looks at the canvas
A dirty white,
Waiting to be covered in
An infinite number of colors
He dips the paintbrush
In a cup of thick paint
A shiny midnight blue it is
He paints the sky
The blue sheet he has never seen
And closes his eyes trying to picture it all
Slight white traces of paint
The clouds he imagines
And golden yellow stars
The midnight blue
Dries as the sun sets
And the darkness outside thrives
Then he rips the canvas apart
For what he just painted,
What he has never seen
A constant reminder of
The past he doesn't know
The shreds of painted cloth
Land heavily on the cold stone floor
Of the prisoner's home
The tiny ray of moonlight
Which creeps through a small invisible crack
Lingers on that midnight blue
If the painter had looked closely
He would have seen
The tomorrow in his painting
But he doesn't
For he sees nothing
Not the stars that shine
The moon that lights the world
Or the sky that protects it

May Day

red,
the color of blood
of hatred, anger
of suppression!

red,
the color of communism
socialism
of the working class!

May Day came and went
rallies organized
speeches given
dance of the devil danced

the town was painted
green or blue
caps, t shirts, banners, flags
just no red!

Skies

Where heaven rests also does hell
The thunder clouds
On a stormy day
The wind howls through the
Shivering trees
Angels hide in their palaces
Of gold, made

But then shining through the clouds
The suns golden rays peak at the world
Drenched in the waters of the sky
The world lies still, scared and tired

And yet, the heavens dry
Whatever remaining evidence of
The great hell's tearful cry
And once again the skies are clear

People

Some people aren't meant to be understood
I recently realized
While reading through a friend's blog

Others shouldn't be understood
Why ruin the magic?
Their secrets are meant to be as hidden as yours

So why bother with so many questions
When the answers will only lead to
More questions?

Don't try to understand his long hair
Or her pierced tongue
These are mere screens to hide behind

Look beyond the ripples of great waters
And see the treasures that hide beneath
With these come understanding

beauty

Beauty,
that ghastly word!
as terrible as the pimple
that dominates her face
from its burning throne

Beauty,
in the murky depths
of that endless well
coin after coin thrown
in hope of a wish come true

Beauty,
in the heat of the day
that makes even the
cold-blooded sweat
as they lay empty of life

Beauty,
in his wide smile
as he chuckles to him self
the bits that make up life
tickling him so much

anyone, anything

You don’t need to be a Christian

To love the silence of a church

You don’t need to be a Buddhist

To love the calmness of a temple

You don’t need to be someone

To love something

You can be anyone

And love anything

who do you see?

What do you see
when you look at me?

Is it the image of a girl,
lost in her own world
where words are used
but written, not spoken
as she meditates in her own silence?

Or is it the image of a girl
lost in the drama of life
not her own, but that of others
for her life is filled
with the people she loves
and a constant chatterbox, she is?

Then again, is it the image of a girl
misunderstood too often
she wants little, and needs even less
yet, is given nothing at all.
A girl whose life
has been too full of lies
for her to trust in love?

two ideas, one poem

You don't need to be a
scientist
To know the science of
life
You don't need to be a
magician
To make miracles
happen
You can ride into the
future
In search of your
past
Answers you wouldn't
find
Instead a new memory to
treasure

Of age and sight

I wonder how you see the world
Different eyes make a difference
The lenses you use
To see it all
Understand it all
Lightened with age
Widened with experience
What is it that you see
From where you are
What do you see?
Is it any different
From what I see?

tea

Tea,
steaming from the mug
the color of muddy water

That first sip
wetting dry lips
burning them, a beautiful pain

Some stick to the sips
slowly emptying the mug
never in a hurry

Others gulp it all down
the tea burning their insides
not even a final drop left behind

Tea,
drunk by us all
loved by us all

White

White

White is peace

It is surrender

It is the giving up of hope

White is the cloth

That wraps the corpse

Burning to ashes

White is the thira

That lights the oil lamp

An offering to the Buddha

White is her saree

She wears to the temple

Praying for safety

White are the clouds

That float against the blue

Of a sky that has seen no hate

Replaced Noises

Replaced Noises

She once heard the pew pew pew of a gun

Now the songs of a bird

She once heard the boom boom of a bomb

Now the crashing waves of the ocean

She once heard the wailings of a child

Now the wind flying through the leaves

She once heard the hushed whispers of the day

Now the un-fearing voices of the night

She once heard “war, war, war!”

Now the stories of defeat of her friends

Tomatoes!

Tomatoes!

For her tomatoes meant few things.

Pizza!

The bright red of ketchup

Zigzagging on French Fries

The fine slices between buttered bread

Chopped cubes with cheese in a still hot Submarine

For him tomatoes meant other things.

Peppered for a salad, onions too

Preserved for future use, the jam bottles lined neatly

Tossed in with some salt, to the bubbling curry

For another her tomatoes were nothing

Only a dead memory

The small plots, plants so small

Bearing fruits of greens, yellows and reds.

The juice had splattered with her blood

A painting on a wall

Fruits that once found her some coins

Now paying not even for her life

Dust Covered Peace

Dust Covered Peace

In a dusty corner of her Achchi’s house

She found something she hadn’t seen before

It was in the dusty handkerchief that Seeya once used

Lying forgotten on a dusty dressing table, the mirror a cracked web

“What is this, Achchi?” she asked,

“I’ve never seen it before!”

Achchi held the handkerchief to her nose, breathing in the faint scent

Seeya’s once favorite perfume still there, unbeaten by age

She gave it to the little on, a gift to be treasured

“I haven’t seen it in many years

But I think its called peace!”

The President Speaks

The President Speaks

Can you end the war? Yes

Will you end the war? Yes

Will you punish the wicked? Yes

Will the roads be built? Yes

Are you going to give hope to others? Yes

Make sure their dreams come true? Yes

Will they love you as a leader, president and father?

No!

Tears are for the Undead

Tears are for the Undead

With a shaking hand he tore the

Envelope open. Slowly, his hand

Reached out for the letter. He knew

What the words would say. Not news

To him was his son’s death. The

Young soldier too young to be

Holding a gun instead

Of a pen and paper. But the

Gun was chosen and

The gun had killed him. Now

A body that would never reach

His home. His father didn’t shed a single

Tear. What’s the use? His boy was

Already dead.

Victim of Suicide

Victim of Suicide

The little girl didn’t see what hit her

She never heard the boom

When people screamed

Telling her to move

She stood shock still

She felt the lady behind her

The rustling of a skirt

She felt, didn’t hear

The push to run away

Too late though she was

Because before she could turn

Or even run away

Her body was nothing but charred bits

Staining the buildings and shops

The Royal Corpse

The Royal Corpse

Jamma had a reason to be proud

Or at least she once did

Of her royal blood she used to talk

As if royalty still ran in her veins

Jaffna was a palace for her

A paradise built on earth

Then the earth shattered,

The thunder boomed,

The sun scorched the earth

She now looks at the

Newly built houses

Faces she doesn’t know

Janani Selvachchandi,

Once a queen

Now a corpse in a camp.

Bats

Bats, everywhere
Flapping their arms against the pink skies
Almost as if disturbed they fly
The spectre returning to the
Abandoned house they once haunted
Or
Tree God reclaiming
The winged banyan tree
Where they once resided

the unseeing

he sees not what the sun looks like
setting over the coconut trees
the leaves an orange, than a green
as the sun passes behind it

he sees not though
the crow that flies
looking for his mates
his 'kaak kaak' only
a familiar music to his ears

he smiles a smile
but doesn't know
what it looks like
and a memory not to tell him

praying mantis

something we are all shamelessly thankful for
are seats,
anything to rest our bums on
are these seats
cushioned and comfortable?
does it feel like you are sitting
on the feathers of a thousand rare birds?
No!
the plastic, or hard wood
the awkward leathers
or even worse the metal
they all remind me of
the Praying Mantis seat
at the house of Bawa
a silent prayer is a must
if you want to feel the presence
of your bottom again

H.E's Framed Smile

he smiles down at us
his smile warm
highlighted by his trademark mustache
his eyes mere slits
as if the shot was taken
with no pr-planning, no fuss
one of those rare genuine poses
he smiles
from his framed palace
at us, sitting in the
air-conditioned cold
waiting for the real thing

the monk

golden robes he wears
still as a statue he sits
emotional bliss

Surviving the labyrinth of life

The walls cave in
Darkness a curse
You thread carefully
Arms reaching out
For something, anything.
Then,
Sudden sunlight
Piercing through the
Darkness.
On and on this goes
Until the maze ends
The exit, golden door
Right before you
You reach out,
You've survived
You open it,
You die.

Four lines and a haiku on love

Lovers come
Lovers go
Lovers they
Never stay


He sits on the sand
Waiting for her to come back
She never looks back though

Revolution

For the revolution, stood the party

For their ideas, faught they hardly

Blame given, blame accepted partly

Terror reigned quite darkly

They killed not one, not two but thousands

Surely not were the Rds godsends

Never did they attempt to make amends

Showed, the law the people had dents

Slowly now the building crushed, falls

Posters, booklets burn down dark halls

Dreams broke like porcelain dolls

Fresh hope like a drizzle falls