Firsts

You are supposed to remember it all

Your first kiss
The day it happened
How it felt before
And how you felt after
How your lips tingled
Like the fizz of soda
Was beneath your skin
The body attached to the lips
That met yours
What you were thinking
Wearing
What led to that first kiss

Your first love
What they looked like
How they made you feel
How their presence filled your life
Their departure overwhelmed you

Your first heartbreak
How torn you were
How hot the tears were as they
Created little streams down your face
How everything everything everything
Reminded you of them
And pulled the pieces of your heart
Further and further apart

They say you remember your firsts
Because
There's nothing before them
No memories
No stories
They are the beginning
And beginnings are hard to forget

And yet
I struggle to remember sometimes

I yearn for a first kiss
Wonder why it has taken so long
And then I remember
That first happened
A while back
And I can't remember
The details of his face
How his lips felt
His tongue
The before and the after
How filled with joy I was

I forget his name
How it felt to be so full of a feeling
To love someone so deeply
Not some silly crush
But love love love

And on that day
When I'd known
-been told-
It was over
What had I been wearing
What had you been wearing
What had it felt like
Was it raining
What words did you use
How did I react
Did you see in my face how hurt I was

My mind is blank
I can't remember these firsts
They say we never forget