Marriage

She had begun to suspect
He thought
Or maybe she had finally found
Affection in her heart
After putting it away
When the kids were born
One after the other
And consumed her world so fully
They had had a moment
Just that morning
Her hand lingered on his chest
After straightening his tie
And he had brought her hand
To his lips and left the smallest of kisses
And then the spell was broken as
The kids ran towards them
Saying they'll be late for school
But when he had kissed her
And felt her coarse skin
A fragrance once familiar had hit him
With a force unexpected
And he couldn't recall just what that fragrance was
And why it was so familiar

All day he was distracted
He couldn't get it out of his mind and he thought
Maybe it was just a reminder
Of why he married her in the first place
But no
What his mind was trying so desperately to remember
Had nothing to do with
That sort of love
It was something much deeper
Something at the very roots of his being

Later, when he took dinner for his girlfriend
He awkwardly kissed her hand
As she reached for the food
Laughed because it felt strange
But he was determined to
Remember
And on her hand he smelled
A lotion he had bought her
And maybe the faint smell of
Nail polish
A fresh coat must have been applied
That evening
And that fragrance he was looking for
Wasn't there to be found
On those smooth fingers
And later, his distractions were noticed by her
And she asked if he was thinking about 'her'
The wife, the one they avoided talking about
Because it always led to a fight
And he was honest and told her
That maybe he had been unfair to his wife
Who he had once loved and maybe still did
And the girlfriend asked him if he loved her
And he told her he wasn't in a mood to play that game
When he left that night
He was sure he wouldn't keep returning
For much longer
Because something was missing
And it had something to do with
How his wife's hands had smelt that morning

And hours later
As he lay restless in bed
Sleepless
Tossing and turning
Trying not wake his wife up
It came to him
So suddenly
That was the same fragrance
That covered his grandmother's hands
The same fragrance that covered his mother's hands
And it was a mixture of spices
Onion and garlic
Of hours spent in the kitchen, preparing meal after meal
For complaining children
For unloving husbands
Visiting family and friends
It was all the time that a wife couldn't
Spend with her husband and give him
The attention he later finds
From other women
It was all the duties and chores that took place of
Affection and longing
Romance
As had consumed them during the first few months
Of marriage

And finally he knew
What her life had become and
How unfair he had been
To be unhappy in a marriage
He was also responsible for
To complain about a woman
Who had been left alone to do
Everything at home
And he turned to her
Sleeping the not-so-heavy sleep of the tired
The sleep of someone who knows
In a few hour's time
An alarm would wake her up
And she would go about her day
In a routine
That didn't allow moments for the
Intimacy she craved
Affection she wanted
Companionship she needed
Man she loved