Strangers

Sometimes I can't help wondering
If things would have been different between us
If no one had said a thing at first
If we had been free to choose each other
And I wonder if in the absence of interference
We would have fallen in love
But then I remember that different isn't always good
And I picture us as strangers
Walking past each other on a busy street
And the mere thought of such a thing happening
Makes me feel thankful for what little I have now with you

New Galle Road

In the mornings

I love sitting by the window

As the bus takes the

New Galle Road

On its journey to Colombo

This road that runs along the sea

That surrounds our

Serendipity

Brings to me the smell of the sea

And a great many opportunities

With its harsh winds

And it is with this same wind

Blowing my hair

Here, there

Enveloping me in its own little cyclone

That I feel calm

Like I never do

And at a certain time of the evening

When the sun fights against darkness

Everything takes on an orange glow

The leaves of tress

Windows of houses

Everything looks like

A fire burns in them

And it is this glow that makes me feel

Both happiness and sadness

Without allowing a feeling of nothingness

One would expect as a result of

Happiness canceling out sadness

The way one plus minus one

Is zero

But at that time of the evening

I feel happiness in all its intensity

And I feel sadness

In all its ferocity

And sometimes I think of you.

Second chance?

Let's not call it anything this time

It can be anything

We can be anything

Let's not fit what we have

Into a mold that isn't for us

Instead

Let's just be us

Forget about labels

Hold hands when we want to

Go days without talking

Kiss under starry skies

Have picnics under old, wise trees

And you can tell me you love me

Without expecting an

I love you too

In return

And I can say it too

For no reason

Whenever I want to

And truly know

What it means to

Love someone

Marriage

She had begun to suspect
He thought
Or maybe she had finally found
Affection in her heart
After putting it away
When the kids were born
One after the other
And consumed her world so fully
They had had a moment
Just that morning
Her hand lingered on his chest
After straightening his tie
And he had brought her hand
To his lips and left the smallest of kisses
And then the spell was broken as
The kids ran towards them
Saying they'll be late for school
But when he had kissed her
And felt her coarse skin
A fragrance once familiar had hit him
With a force unexpected
And he couldn't recall just what that fragrance was
And why it was so familiar

All day he was distracted
He couldn't get it out of his mind and he thought
Maybe it was just a reminder
Of why he married her in the first place
But no
What his mind was trying so desperately to remember
Had nothing to do with
That sort of love
It was something much deeper
Something at the very roots of his being

Later, when he took dinner for his girlfriend
He awkwardly kissed her hand
As she reached for the food
Laughed because it felt strange
But he was determined to
Remember
And on her hand he smelled
A lotion he had bought her
And maybe the faint smell of
Nail polish
A fresh coat must have been applied
That evening
And that fragrance he was looking for
Wasn't there to be found
On those smooth fingers
And later, his distractions were noticed by her
And she asked if he was thinking about 'her'
The wife, the one they avoided talking about
Because it always led to a fight
And he was honest and told her
That maybe he had been unfair to his wife
Who he had once loved and maybe still did
And the girlfriend asked him if he loved her
And he told her he wasn't in a mood to play that game
When he left that night
He was sure he wouldn't keep returning
For much longer
Because something was missing
And it had something to do with
How his wife's hands had smelt that morning

And hours later
As he lay restless in bed
Sleepless
Tossing and turning
Trying not wake his wife up
It came to him
So suddenly
That was the same fragrance
That covered his grandmother's hands
The same fragrance that covered his mother's hands
And it was a mixture of spices
Onion and garlic
Of hours spent in the kitchen, preparing meal after meal
For complaining children
For unloving husbands
Visiting family and friends
It was all the time that a wife couldn't
Spend with her husband and give him
The attention he later finds
From other women
It was all the duties and chores that took place of
Affection and longing
Romance
As had consumed them during the first few months
Of marriage

And finally he knew
What her life had become and
How unfair he had been
To be unhappy in a marriage
He was also responsible for
To complain about a woman
Who had been left alone to do
Everything at home
And he turned to her
Sleeping the not-so-heavy sleep of the tired
The sleep of someone who knows
In a few hour's time
An alarm would wake her up
And she would go about her day
In a routine
That didn't allow moments for the
Intimacy she craved
Affection she wanted
Companionship she needed
Man she loved

Weakness

The weakness of the mind is that

It knows before anyone else

When love is a lost cause

The weakness of the heart is that

It refuses to accept failure and is

Determined to keep loving

The weakness that grows within me is that

I believe my mind without doubt

But my heart is too loud to ignore

Hungry

She was so hungry for love

She yearned it with such intensity that

People mistook it for greed

But she was just starved

Like the little boy who begged by the

Roadside eatery

Covered in flies and dust

And watched hungry men and women

Children his own age

Mix into rice

Watery curry and

Dried fish

Golden papadum

And all he could do was lick his

Flaky dried lips

And she was like that little boys

Who was too weak to even

Fight the stray dogs for the

Food left behind

And she was so much like that boy that it

Scared her sometimes

And made her feel ashamed that

What made her body ache

And weak

Was love

A luxury when compared to food

But life is cruel in its ways and so

As hungry as she was for love

She could never accept what was sent her way

And pushed away all those around her

She cringed when a loving touch reached her

She covered her ears when sweet nothings were whispered

And she slammed doors shut whenever

Love knocked on the door

And so there she was, weak and alone

Escaping from the very thing

She was looking for

Wounded

It began like a bruise

Turning my skin

Slightly blue or brown

It’s difficult to say

When you are already so

Dark

And the light thud of pain

Seemed to rhyme perfectly

With the beat of my heart

And so I kept stretching

The bruised skin

Until slowly…

There was blood

And it hurt when I splashed water on it

In an attempt to clean myself

Remove the grime and sweat

That collected throughout the day

And then scabs

Little brown dots

That I picked at because

They itched and reminded me

Of there tiny existence on my skin

And so I scratched the bruised area

Of my skin

Until there was a wound, and blood

Flowed freely

Like when my body told me

I wasn’t with child

Like when my body told me

I was no longer a child

And now the wound is infected

Like a piercing from a shabby parlor

And pain shoots through me

And it is only minuscule compared to

The pain you left me with

Alive.

Oh the stories that are told

In the books that we read

Or the films that we watch

Songs that we love

Oh the stories that are told

In the things that we collect

Or save in boxes

Hidden beneath our beds

Oh the stories that are told

In the words that we write

The truths that we know

And keep from the world

Oh these stories that hide

In forgotten corners of my mind

They keep me alive

They keep me alive

Sunday

You ask me why I'm smiling to myself like a fool

But you forget it's Sunday

Grey and gloomy

On and off rain

And I have a cup of hot coffee by my side

Right next to a book to read

So why shouldn't I feel at the top of the world

And have a smile on my face?

Next to text?

There is no doubt that

We would talk more

If I stopped being a fool

And just sent you a message

Don't think I haven't tried

But I always struggle

To find the right thing to say

The best way to say it

And even if I have

A message in mind

I am crippled by the fear

That you wouldn't reply

So i swallow my words

Erase them all

And wait for the

Next message from you

I try to stop thinking about you

But then it gets too quiet in my mind

So I put on some music, hope it helps

But all these songs remind me of you

Truth

I was looking for happiness

And I got lost along the way

I threw away my map

Crushed the compas beneath my shoe

And then as I explored

Unknown territory

I found you and I thought

Finally happiness is mine

But you called yourself Love

And I thought, why would you lie

I had gone in search of joy

And found love instead

You said you knew where happiness was

And that you would bring it to me

Rest your tired feet, you said

I'll be back before you know it

And now here I am, waiting

The golden sun burning my skin

And a bird that flew above me said

He found love of his own

And I asked the bird if you were lost to me

And it laughed and laughed and laughed

You came looking for one thing, you settled for another

And now you have nothing at all, it said

So I started my journey again

And I found Truth along the way

And unlike joy and love

It didn't cause me any pain

Instead Truth told me just how life is

That happiness and love

Were merely myths

We believed in to hide from the truth

So I took Truth's hand in mine

And we walked towards the horizon

A good companion through life's journey

It is all we ever need

Dead flowers

I won't lie
I do read my own poems
Not because I want to
Remind myself of all the words
I've strung together over time
But because sometimes
Especially after writing a poem
Labelled 'you'
I need reminding that
It's high time I changed the flowers in the vase
They are dead already
But I can't let go
I can't bear to accept that
It's time to get some
Fresh flowers
So I torture myself
I read all those words
Ignore the fiction
The made-up
And cling instead
To the tiny truths
Hidden between all those lines
And always
At some point I give up
I close the page
Stop reading the poems
And I think,
'Maybe tomorrow
I'll throw away these
Dead flowers'

But I never do.

Or maybe it's not meant to be...

When we are together

Your warm body next to mine

Close but not too close

A comfortable silence

Broken by smiles and words

Things of the past

Plans for the future

Jokes and teasing

When we are together

And I feel so happy

Because it’s suddenly as if

Nothing in life can go wrong

I wonder why we never became

Anything other than friends

Was it that we are both too afraid

Of losing what we already have

Or is it that no matter what we have between us

We will never have the kind of love

That is needed for that something more

I sometimes want from you?