What were you like?

What were you like,

When you were my age?

Do you see your self

When you look at me?

Did you smile at the world

Even though, you wanted to cry?

Did you keep your feelings bottled up?

Did you turn to word, written

Instead of word, spoken?

Were you constantly looking for answers

Knowing the answers would only disappoint?

What were you like,

When you were my age?

Are the similarities

Only in hair, features, looks?

Or do they go beyond that

To feelings, thoughts and preferences?

Khaled Hosseini

Khaled Hosseini,
the one man who can
make it seem like
my heart has been sent through
a paper shredder.
Page by page,
you give hope
about each character
And then, you shatter dreams
in a single, simple line

Khaled Hosseini,
Did the mountain really echo?
is the tale too haunting
to read till the end?
I still hear Hassan's voice
from the Kite Runner,
"For you,
a thousand times over."

Khaled Hosseini,
is it you who has thrown me
right back in this
seemingly bottomless pit
of depression?
Are your words so strong,
that they can make
one cry?

Scars

Scars can be
those marks on our skin
when we tripped and fell
a bruised knee
or when the blade sliced our skin
when we thought the physical pain
was better than the mental agony

Scars can be
those marks in our mind
forever reminding us of
memories we wish
we could forget

Scars can be
what others leave behind
when their lives don't
have room for you
anymore

Scars can be
what you leave behind
when you choose to forget
choose to ignore
choose to push away

Scars are a many
and they will all decorate
your skin, your mind
the scars make you
who you are
they are the reason
you are unique

Scars fade away
with time
not all of them
some stay on,
forever a reminder
of what once was

Scars can be erased
with time,
or by effort
you forget,
memory fails you
the scars fade
they stop haunting

Scars, faded or forever,
will be left behind
you will scar
and you will be scarred

Lies

We lie,
to our selves
we convince
our selves
of the truth behind
the lie.
We lie,
to the world
we make them believe
in the truth behind
the lie.
We lie,
to our selves and the world
of the truth behind
the lie.

When we lie,
the truth is buried
beneath the lies
we say.
When we lie to
our selves
the world will tell us
of the lie
and we will see the truth
When we lie to
the world
something in us,
knows it is not the truth
When we lie to our selves and the world,
the lie becomes the truth,
there's no one who really knows.

We lie,
because the truth
is too painful
too truthful
to be the one known.
We lie,
because we have no choice
or we think we don't
there's no hope
in the truth.
We lie,
because in the lie
we find solace
the one thing
the truth can't offer

Epiphany

A sudden realization

That is what I had

An epiphany

A thought that

Makes you say, 'huh!'

It explained things

Not everything

But most things

And as the sky darkened

I felt that relief

The relief of knowing

Of reaching the surface

Of that pit of water

I had been drowning in

I was told,

"You don't love people,

You love the fact that

They love you."

Makes sense now,

You love the need

You don't love the person

The epiphany

Made life lighter

It raised the

Weight

That pulled me down

Little Fly

Little fly,
What are you thinking
As you fly from phone to
book to mug?

Little fly,
You aren't so small
Your last day is closing in
Have you done all you want?

Little fly,
What do you plot
As you rub your hands together
So fast, so quietly?

Little fly,
Is it a prayer
A word of thanks
For the days you've lived so far?

Little fly,
Do you wish
You were bigger than you are
Or less despised?

Little fly,
What's your story?
The places you've been to
Where ever your wings take you

Little fly,
No need to worry
I am not like the others,
I will let you live

Little fly,
It's time now
For you to leave me alone
Find someone else to buzz around

Little fly,
Farewell
It was nice watching you
But answers you didn't give.

Words

Don't say goodbye

For farewells

Cannot be good

Don't say, "I'll see you soon"

For how soon is soon?

Two hours or five months?

Don't say ILY

Three letters don't say what

The three words mean

Don't say, "I miss you"

When you haven't said a word

Each time I walked past you

Don't say you'll be there

When all I get

Are telephone rings

Don't say you are sorry

When we both know

You aren't

Don't say what you don't mean

For we can't afford to

Waste anymore words

Dark skies

The powder blue

Of the mornings young

Or the darker one

Of afternoons bright

Nor the oranges

Or pinks

Of the evenings quiet

It was black

Of the nights so cold

The nights so dark

The nights so empty

It wasn't a shield anymore

No, the sky had chosen

It had chosen the gods of hate

It had chosen to reveal

For the dark skies

Make us remember

The hate

Make us see

The corruption

Make us cry

Of pain, hurt

The dark skies,

They show,

They reveal

Memory

Today's lunch

Just a few hours ago

I remember

Takes me seconds

Pizza

Chicken

Tandoori

Your name

I search my mind

What letter

How long

N?

L?

R?

Memories

Shared with you

They are there

But buried deep

A movie

A conversation

A hug

Slowly fading away

Scaring me

That I forget too soon

That I won't remember

But will I?

Could I?

Should I?

Voices in my head

The voice in my head

Seems to get more louder

I hear it more often

It talks to me

Tells me what to do

The panic attacks

As I call them

Are getting more

Frequent

I cannot breathe

The blackouts

When things go dark

When memory reminds me

I didn't live those moments

They take up too much of my time

The spacing out

I hear less and less

Of what is said,

I see less

I'm there less

The shivers

And cold sweats

Too many times a day

Stronger and stronger

Lasting longer and longer

I ignore them

Or I try to

I smile and pretend

Everything is okay

But nothing is