clutter and chaos

He looks at her through

Stacks of books

Piles of paper

Ink stains on inkless pens

Crumbs on table

Unwashed mug

Messy desk

Cluttered drawers

Books and novels

So much chaos

And he complains that

She should behave like a girl

Tidy her table

Wash her mug

Wipe away the crumbs

Throw away the used notebooks

And pens that are no longer usable

She smiles and laughs

Sometimes apologizes

Makes an effort to

Tidy up, be more lady-like

She throws away paper

No longer needed

Puts away books

Once read and enjoyed

Washes her mug

Even uses soap

And then the pens, paper, books, crumbs

Pile up on her desk

Once again

And sticky notes that once carried

Message, important

Fall to ground, softly, unnoticed

He shakes his head

Why can’t she change for good?

And this time, she doesn’t even bother to

Pretend she has turned over a new leaf

And doesn’t wash mug or throw away paper

Or tidy up the drawers that cannot even be shut

For the clutter around her

Isn’t just a mess she made

But a part of her

Like her messy, unkempt hair

Scattered thoughts

And mismatched words

She is a girl of

Unwashed mug

Crumb-scattered table

She is a collector of

Notebooks covered in words and doodles

Pens long empty of ink

Post-its that carry once important messages

She is a girl of clutter and chaos

The same thing happened every day

The same thing happened every day

He would walk down that road
where there were just enough shady bits
to dart to on a sunny afternoon
the time he always chose to walk
first, down and then up that road
that had a name he never bothered to learn
and she would wait near the gate
black and dry, a light layer of dust
waiting to be washed away by the rains
that were yet to threaten their lives
and she would see him from a distance
wonder if it was really him
and then slowly, features would become clearer
she would recognize gait, figure, him
smile with excitement
wave
and he would smile and wave back
walking towards her
then they would meet at gate
hug once gate is shut behind them and walk
to veranda, smiling and blushing, but silent
he would sit facing her neighbor's garden
she would sit facing the clear sky undisturbed
by man-made building
they would sit, facing each other
look into distance, let eyes meets
smile and share a few words
then,
it would be time for him to go
and they would walk up to gate
hug again, hold each others hands for
just a second or two
say goodbye
and she would watch him walk up that
road with a name she always disliked
he would turn back as he passed the
brick-red house
she would smile and wave at him
and he would always wave back

The same thing happened every day

Until one day
instead of walking up to the gate
hugging and holding hands for a
second or two
he leaned in and touched her lips
with his own
and she closed her eyes
trying to enjoy the moment
a moment, a kiss, that didn't last more than
a second or two
much like the
hugging and hand-holding
and he walked up that road
with a name he never bothered to learn
he didn't turn back
so she didn't smile and wave
and he didn't have to smile and wave back
which he couldn't because
something was broken
and this something couldn't be fixed, he knew
he blamed himself
knowing he would never make this tiring journey
in the hot sun
to her house again, smile or talk with her
look at her, hug her, hold her hand
and she didn't wait for him to walk into the distance
until she couldn't see him anymore
because she knew
he wouldn't come back
and waiting for him
seemed quite useless and a waste of time
so she went to her room
and read the book they had made theirs
for one last time
even reading 'The End' on that last page
knowing those words
also ended that beautiful something
that had made all those moments of
waiting, smiling, waving, hugging, hand-holding
ritual she depended on
like sunrise and sunset

ඔබට ලියු වචන

සමහරවිට

මම ලියන දේ කියවා

ඒ වචන

ඔබට ලියු ඒවා යයි

ඔබට හිතේවි

එහෙම හිතන එක

සාදාරනයි

එහෙම හිතන්න

හේතු ගොඩක් ඇති ඔයාට

එත් මම ලියන වචන

මට ලියන ඒවා මිස

අන් කිසිවෙකුට ලියන ඒවා නොවේ

ඒ නිසා

නැති තේරුම් ඒ කවි වලට දී

සැබෑ තේරුම

නැතිකරන්න එපා

Warning

Here's a warning
Something
I should wear
Around my neck
So people are
Warned
And they can't
Complain

Warning
I will seem all bubbly
...at first
I'll be happy
To see you
To meet you
To talk with you
I will reply to texts
Immediately
And then, slowly
The reading of message
and replying
Will take longer
and longer
And I will shorten my answers
And those bursts of emotions
of happiness
They will reduce
Until they are
No more

Warning
I will cry
Let you know
Once in a while
That my heart aches
and tears flow
For a past I can't relive
Or for one who was
Once a big part
Of my life
And I will tell you
'Oh these silly mood swings
They come, but they go
Don't worry
Passing phase'
And then
Slowly
or all at once
(depends on how unfortunate you are)
Those bad days will drag on
And they will stop being mood swings
Bad days
For they are my normal days
My voice, shaking
Hands trembling
Heart seeking
Everything
But your love
Everyone
But you

Warning
I will tell you to leave
To leave me alone
'I'm not worth your time
Just go
Save your self
Before its too late'
And I will cry a tear for you
In your presence
I will let my voice tremble
And I will tell you
One final time
That I love you
But that
I can't give you that love
Or accept your love
And you will go
Never looking back
Cursing
Hating
(hopefully) crying
And then
When you are gone
I will write poems for you
Hope you read my words
And realize that when I said
Leave
 I meant, stay
I love you
 I meant, I need you
You don't deserve me
 I meant, I wish I could be enough
I'm bad news
 I meant, I'm trying. But failing

Warning
This is not for the
present you
But those that belong in the
past

Numbers

She found numbers
fascinating
and believed
there were good numbers
and bad ones
the thirteens
and other odds
besides the safer
evens

So she noticed that
there were at first five
an odd number
and not a good one
the table had room for six
but they nearly always
bought plates in fours
although she couldn't remember
a day when they all sat
around the table
for dinner
And the car had room
for five, or even six,
but that would be a slightly tight fit
and yet,
there was never a day
when they all sat
there
in that little red car

Now there were four
a safer number
even
comfortable
there were always enough
plates of the same design
and dividing food
into equal shares
was much easier
even though
she couldn't remember
ever having to divide treats
into five equal shares
when they were a family of five
and not four
Her mother now bought
items and food
in even numbers
so much more easier
she even bought meat in
two pairs
'four chicken thighs'
she would ask
even though of the four
only three
ate meat
and the other who did
left
making them a family of
four and not five

during that time

During the time it takes
for message to be
typed
read
questioned
sent
delivered
received
read
reread
replied to
reply to be delivered
read

The skies have changed color
the river has journeyed to ocean
the birds have called it a day
the faint glimmer of stars cover sky

During that time
when actions are regretted
decisions are questioned
risks are taken
minds are made

Hearts have changed
thoughts have shifted
love has come
and love has gone

Last year

Last year
I was naive
Eager to impress
Eager to have my own
Happily ever after

Last year
I was eager
So eager I was blinded by
Your pretenses
Too eager, I was

This year
I am slightly tired
Tired enough to see the truth
But not tired enough to
Deny it

This year
I have no hopes
About my own
Happily ever after
Like I did with you

This year
I'm happy
I have my own infinity
But I know it will end
I didn't know back then

Last year
I chose touch over feeling
Stupid me
But this year
I chose feeling over touch
Finally

Is love the mere changing of relationship status?

Single

A shout into the void

About your loneliness

Desperation

Fear

A subtle way of saying

I'm available

Make me yours

In a relationship

You tell the world

You show off

You suffocate your friends

With the love

You made your own

To say, I'm not noone's

I belong

to someone

Engaged

Happiness is mine

You say

Even though

You said yes

To his question

Knowing that

You will be his

And he mayn't be yours only

Married

We are one

We are together

We are the fairytale

That is real

Envy what I have

A man by my side

A contract that binds

Two souls

Forever

In an open relationship

I have freedom

I can love many

I was given that option

An option I didn't want

So while he

Has many

I have none but him

But a status that implies

I have more

It's complicated

No longer a shared life

But love that is dying

Lives separating

A deparate attempt

To hold on to

What is already

Lost

Separated

Tree trunk

Reaches sky as one

Giving it strength to

Stand against winds

But then branches

Separation

A contract still binding

But no longer paid heed to

Divorced

Ugly status

That followed

Ugly words

Ugly actions

Ugly decisions

Ugly lives

Sometimes for the best

Mostly due to

Having no choice

But to sign those papers

To say good bye

Widowed

Through sickness and health

Smiles and tears

Bright days and dark days

Together

Till death do us part

And death did

Took one from bedside, home, life

To graveyard

මී බෙහෙත්

මී බෙහෙත් දාමු

මරමු

කුඩුවක් නෙමෙයි

කූරක් ගමු

උන් චීස් කන්නේ නැහැ

බොරු වැඩ ඕව

මහා කරදරයක්

මරල දාමු

පවු සිද්ද වෙයි

ඔය මීයෙක් මැරුවා කියලා?

මීයාත් අහිංසක සතෙක්නෙ

හැපුවම තේරෙයි

ඔයාටත් තේරෙයි

මීබෙහෙත් වල අගේ

වැරදීමකින් ඒ බෙහෙත් ටික

ඔයාගේ ළමය කෑවම

Wind

Cold wind
wraps around her like a
blanket
instead of warmth
it chills her to the bone
and for a second
a short, quiet second
her icy cold heart
shivers
the gush of wind
reaching the core
of her soul