'Find someone'

When my mother kept telling me to find someone,

To not be alone in life, I lashed out

Told her to leave me alone

I was so ashamed of my inability to

Make anyone want me

But today, through a keyhole, I got a glimpse of

The vulnerability that comes with a life lived alone

And understood what it has been like for her

And why she has insisted on my finding someone

It reminded me of plastic bags cutting into the skin

Of my fingers gone white from the weight of their contents

Groceries I didn't need to buy, but did to make things easier

For my mother

The heaviness makes my arms ache, my eyes water

But I can carry them because I know that

At the sound of the gate opening, closing

Or the doorbell ringing, my mother would open the door for me

Carry some of the bags inside

But what happens when she is no longer here

For if nature has it's way, she will leave me someday

Who will then open the door for me? Relieve me of those heavy bags?

Who will be here to love me?