The only way I know to love

You keep your distance from them
Never getting closer than a foot or two
You never want to know what they smell like
The perfume they use, buying a new bottle
Before the other is empty, making sure they never run out
You don't want to be jolted awake
As you walk aimlessly on a crowded street
Or sit lost in thought in a bus to work
And get a whiff of that same perfume
The one you once loved wore

You rarely see them, turning down invitations
You don't make them a permanent feature in your life
Because you will wake up one day
And look for them
Go crazy when you realize they are no longer within reach
And you don't want to remember what they look like
How they make you feel
The way their eyes light up when they smile
Or their lips tighten when they are even mildly inconvenienced
You don't want to remember anything about them
Because you never want to find that you've forgotten

You don't let them touch you
You flinch when they get close
Turn away when they come in for a hug
Because you don't want to feel that warmth
You will never again feel against your body
When they leave you
That surge of energy
That passed from their veins to yours
When they touched you that one time
Will never be felt when
Someone else's skin
Makes contact with yours

You don't dish out even a morsel of the love you feel for them
You give them no clue
You convince yourself you dislike them
Like this is some game played by kindergartners
Where you show affection through aggression and annoyance
But that is all you know to do
To keep yourself safe
To protect yourself from the heartache
They will leave you with

You push them away
Before they can get too close
You leave them before they can leave you
Because that's the only way
You know how to love