Blurred vision

A year or so ago, when I complained of terrible headaches

My mother insisted I have my eyesight checked

"You are always in front of that computer" she said

Making no reference to the glasses I bought years ago

But never wore

I read out the letters pointed to on that lit up screen

Struggling with the smallest of them

Worrying about having to wear glasses

Which screwed with my mind and made it impossible to

Even walk

But my eyesight was fine, nothing wrong there

My ability to focus on objects close to me...

Now that was another matter entirely

I was told to do some exercises and return

But I never went back

...

While practicing yoga, we lie on our stomachs

Our arms stretched beneath our bodies, chin stretched forward

We raise our legs at the second inhalation

I dread this asana for two reasons

Firstly, I'm afraid I wouldn't be able to raise my legs

Although I always find the strength to do so

Secondly, I hate how the pattern on my mat

Blends in to become one blur of colour

During this asana only

And not during the others that bring my face so close to the ground

The turquoise mat, with its fish scale-like pattern

Becomes an ocean that makes me afraid that

My eyes will never be able to focus on what's held right in front of me

...

Perhaps sensing how vulnerable this makes me

My cruel, cruel mind plays tricks on me

Turning the world into a blurry mess even when I'm not

On a yoga mat, preparing for an asana

On days like today, when they seem absolutely ordinary at first

My mind clicks between the sharpness of my surroundings

And an ocean of colour running into each other

Making it impossible to focus, to walk, to talk, to think

Making it impossible to breathe

And in these moments, when nothing is clear to me anymore

And the ground feels shaky, my legs made of gelatin

I want to be swallowed whole, taken away

Set free