A boy I used to know

You've become

That boy I used to know

Who would have thought back then

That you would be reduced to that

A boy I used to know 

You

What I liked the most about you
Was that I didn't have to pretend
You let me be exactly what I was
You never laughed at my insecurities
Or fears, as absurd as they may have seemed
You never grew tired of listening to me
Rant about one thing or the other
You were there for me
At eight in the morning
Eleven in the night
Time didn't matter at all

What I miss the most about you
Is how you would pause before you spoke
Those few seconds of silence
Between everything that I said
And everything that you said
Said much more than the words
Either of us chose
Now
I rarely finish sentences
And people always interrupt
There is no silence
That lets me say what I need to say
Lets you say what you need to say

What I hate the most about you
Is that you left.

Surrounded

By love
I'm surrounded by love
And it pains me that
I cannot participate
In the game of loving
And being loved
That is going on around me

Cigarettes

You smell of cigarettes
No surprise
Since you smoke all the time
I still remember the first time I saw you
A cigarette between those lips
I so wanted to kiss

And five years ago
If we'd met five years ago
I'd have been repulsed by you
You would have reminded me of death
And sickness
Those images of charred lungs
Cheeks with massive holes in them
Images in our science textbooks
On cigarette cartons
The health risks of smoking
You would have reminded me of them

But today
I don't care anymore
I'm no longer repulsed
So I take a deep breath
Inhale that smell of cigarettes
You carry around with you
I want to fill my insides with it

I want to walk up to you
Hold you
Kiss you with all I've got
But then leave
Because I can never love you
Not now

Ironic

Because five years ago
My heart was yet to turn to stone
I was still capable of love
And I would have fallen head over heels
In love with you