Depression

Younger, we once were
And so used that word
With such ease
'I'm so depressed'
We'd say
With no fear
No need for denial

And now
I wish I could go back to those days
When we fought for independence
Freedom
Like we were prisoners
When our parents only meant well
And we thought the frustration
Anger
Hurt
Confusion
Building in our insides
Was depression
'I'm so depressed'
We'd say
After an argument
With family

And now
I feel the tendrils of depression
Softly graze my cheek
It's never here fully
And so I never use that word anymore
But it's in the background
A silent observer
And I feel its presence
When momentary happiness
Is cut short by an intense sorrow
When goals can't be achieved
Dreams can't be chased
Work can't be done
Just because

And it's sometimes
Too difficult to leave the bed the room the house
It all gets a bit too much
There is an itch
My fingers
Inside of my elbows
Back of my knees
Neck
I need to bite my nails
And then there's blood
Stings when I mix rice with curry
Just so my mother wouldn't worry
That I have eaten only one meal that day

And it hurts
To take another step
Take another breath
Write another word
It's so heavy
This world

But even this
It's not depression
And that's what scares me
That it can get worse
It's worse for other people
And how do they survive?