Switch

Apparently
There's a switch in my mind
Which lets me
Change how I feel

They say I keep it switched off
Even though a simple
Movement of a finger
A flick
Can switch it on
Flood my life with light

They say I'm being difficult
Trying too hard to be different
Seeking attention
Starving for it

And I'm not
So I look for this switch
When my thoughts are all tangled
And nothing makes sense anymore
When my entire body itches
The back of my knees
The inside of my elbows
When my fingers don't stop trembling
And I feel disconnected
When I see things
Even in the darkness
Things that don't exist
And it terrifies me

But I can't find this switch
That they promise
Will make me feel better
I can't find it
No matter how desperately I search