Impatient

.

If you weren't so impatient

It would have been you who was shown the way out

But you couldn't wait

Not even two weeks

And so it all happened

The other way around

You told me to leave

And I had no choice

And since then

I've been asking people to leave

Before it's too late

Because what's worse than being abandoned

Is having to walk out the door

Before you are ready to say goodbye

.

Men don't belong in the kitchen

Men don't belong in the kitchen

Where onions are chopped

Making tears flow

Where karapincha sizzles in hot oil

Getting ready to drown in a delicious curry

Men don't belong here

Where food is cooked and served

By the women

The women who run the kitchen

The household

The unappreciated backbone

Forgotten engine

Men don't belong here

Where they eat as much as they can

Without caring if there's enough food for everyone

Complain there isn't enough salt

The food isn't warm enough

Chicken instead of fish would have been better

And then belch

Proud of how loud they are

Just men being men

And then they wash their hands

Watch a little TV

Go to bed content

Not for a second wondering who will

Wash all the pots and pans

Plates and spoons

That are piled high in the kitchen sink

Men don't belong in the kitchen

Because that's where women belong

Where they cook and clean and

Eat only what's left over

Even though their stomachs scream for food

Just as loudly as their feet scream for rest

And a boy

Too young to know where he doesn't belong

Asks his mother

If he can cook that day

Although he doesn't even know

How flour and coconut and water and salt

Turn into hot hot roti

He does know that

His mother is tired

Too tired to cook

But she says to him

Don't worry about it

I'll make dinner for us all

Go and do your homework

And anyway

Men don't belong in the kitchen

Hair

Why did you cut your hair
They still ask
Although it has been weeks
Or even months
I can't quite remember
Anymore
But it's been long enough
And yet
They keep asking me
Why did you cut your hair
It -you- looked so much better
Before

And I just smile
Tell them I was sick and tired
Of all those curls
But what I was really sick and tired of was
Not what was on my head
But in the heads of others
That made them assume
It was oh so totally acceptable and understandable
To make the silliest jokes
Say the crudest things
Stare as if I was not even human

And now that my hair is no longer a mess of curls
That make people stare
Ogle
Call out to me
I'm invisible
I'm a plain Jane
That no one bothers to even look at

And that's exactly why I cut my hair
Even though that's not the reason I give you
When you ask me why I cut my hair

Rain

You were standing in the rain
A thousand people around you
A smile on your face
And that's when I knew...


A woman stands next to you
Her bag pushes against your elbow
As she bends down slightly
To hold her umbrella over her child's head


A man rushes past you
Holding up his briefcase
To keep away the rain
From soaking him completely
Although already
He is pretty darn drenched


A child giggles away
Turning in circles
He'll soon be dizzy
His clothes
  secondhand
Cling to his thin body
As he spreads his arms wide
Catches raindrops as they fall from the sky


And there you stand
Looking straight at me
A look in your eyes
One I've never seen before
And that's when I know
You are here to stay

Someday

Someday

I will read these words

And blush

My cheeks turning red

Like fire

Because how could I have been so silly

And written such cheesy poems

How could you have

Such an effect on me?

But today, here, now

My mind is filled with thoughts

That will make a future-me cringe

And a future-you laugh

To the poet that doesn't know me

I visit your blog almost everyday

It’s almost part of my routine

To see if there is a new post

To make sure you are still alive

And you don’t know me

I don’t know you

But I need to thank you

For giving me reason to believe

In the beauty of words

Just when I begin to lose hope

Forever

Funny isn't it
How easy you found it
To let go
After all those promises
Of a forever
Something you
And not I
Wanted
Because I scoffed at the very idea
How could two people
Who were yet to even spend a decade
Or year
Or month together
Promise each other
Eternity?
But you
With your foolishness
Convinced me
And silly me
I believed you
And now here I am
Standing before an
Eternity without you

Expectations

My mantra is simple
Zero expectations lead to zero disappointment
Easier said than done
But once you get the hang of it
You lower your expectations
Just so you can avoid disappointment
And so life goes on
And mine did
I found it easy to expect nothing from people
And I found that in fact
I was disappointed far less than I used to be
But then
Something went wrong somewhere
And I started applying this to myself
I had zero expectations of myself
Just so I would never disappoint myself
And now
Here I am
Without even an ounce of confidence
Self-esteem
It's all gone
Washed away with
All those expectations I once had of myself
And I want to be crushed
Torn
That I am crippled by self-doubt
But how can I be disappointed
When I had no expectations?

Cocoon

I no longer trust walls

Made of brick and cement

To keep me safe

To keep you out of my life

Along with everyone else

Because I did build walls

Watched as they collapsed to the ground

Only to build them again

And again

Until I realized that walls

They weren’t as strong as they looked

I felt defenseless

Vulnerable

Behind those walls that

So easily crumbled to the ground

Like they were nothing but walls of a

Gingerbread house

And so I threw away all those bricks and cement

I don’t need them anymore

For you’ll see that now

I’m hidden in a cocoon

Sure, it looks fragile

But you’ll need more energy than you think

To tear it apart and

Expose me to the world outside

And each time I have to weave myself

A new cocoon

It will only be stronger than the others

More layers so the sunlight doesn’t burn my eyes

More layers so you can’t tear it apart as easily

As you broke down each wall I put up

And it will be woven so tightly around me

Leaving no loom for air

For me

And slowly

With each new cocoon I must weave for myself

It will be a tighter and tighter fit

Until

Snap!

My bones break in two

Like dry twigs

Beneath careless feet

Snap!

Snap!

Snap!

Until I am nothing at all

And your hands then

Will be stained

For you broke the cocoon

Knowing what each rebuild

Would do to me

You made my bones snap

You

With hands stained with

Butterfly dust

Charcoal

I struggled for months
in search of a word
that perfectly describes you
but I have it now
it came to me so unexpectedly
just like you did
in what feels like a
whole other lifetime

Charcoal
that's the one word that describes you perfectly

For you are what remains
when the fire dies down
just like the love that remains
once lust is extinguished

And like charcoal
you leave behind traces
of your presence
you turned me into the color of ebony once upon a time
remember?
and even now
I find traces of black dust
under fingernails, toenails
reminding me
of you

And most of all
despite all that happened
you are too pure to be white
so easily dirtied
for black fights back
holds on to its blackness
blemished so rarely
just like you
too good to be
tarnished
like anything white
that so easily loses its whiteness

And so charcoal
that's the one word
that so perfectly describes
who you are