it hit me, when i least expected it,
that it was the oldest -my grandmother-
and the youngest -myself-
who were without partners
she lost her husband years ago
and perhaps thought of him often with a fondness
that didn't surface until after he had passed
everyone else - dating, about to be married
just married, married for a while -
and beyond our little group
most seemed to have found someone
the woman carrying a baby, waiting for her husband
to return from a shop with a toy
the young man reaching for the young girl's hand
blushing slightly
the elderly couple, seated on a bench
resting before the day's activities resume
the man telling his wife to hurry
before the train leaves
everyone had met someone they had
fallen in love with, found a sense of
compatibility with, had a child with
everyone had met someone they had shaped their lives around
accommodating new needs and displays of affection
and there i was
alone
and it hit me that i had never had this
despite being at the very end of
marriageable age
i had never had someone to love and care for
worry about, say a silent prayer for
even though i didn't even believe in the power of it
i had never known what someone's favourite dish was and
learned to perfect it
or instantly know what to get them for a birthday
to seek their warmth when i wake up in the middle of the night
the life i had trudged through
had given me joy and happiness
good memories
and bad
regrets and tears and grief
so many different types of love
but it had never given me this one thing
everyone else seemed to get
sometimes multiple times
in a lifetime
