Untitled.

And so I just sit here and watch

As everything I built around me

The pretenses I kept up

Lies I told

Truths I hid

Crack and shatter and break

I just sit here

As everything comes crumbling down

And there's nothing I can do but

Helplessly watch

As my life falls apart

Skeletal remains

Of these leaves
All that remain are
Skeletons
Much like
The love that was ours
Back when the
Trees were heavy with
Leaves
So full of life
Like we were
Once upon a time

thief

You stole from me

The one place in which I felt safe enough to

Pour my heart out

Without having to worry about

The consequences

You stole from me

The one place I was comfortable enough

To be honest

Tell the truth

As it is

But if I were to tell you

About your offense

You would just laugh and ask me

  Have I ever made threats?

  Ever raised my voice?

  Hit you? Hurt you?

  All I did was

  Watch your every move

  In the place you are most yourself

  And you've forgiven people

  For doing much worse

But what you don't understand is that

You've taken away the safety net I had

To protect me from all these crimes much greater

And now, when I fall, there's nothing to catch me

I hit the ground

My bones break

I bleed and bleed

And you just sit there

Watching

Overstaying your welcome

Why are you still here

Overstaying your welcome

Don't you have someplace

Better to be?

It's been too long

Since you left me with

Skeletons and scars

Holding on to what you don't want

And if you insist on staying

Make room for others

It gets lonely sometimes

Left with only memories

It's all on you this time

You know that you can always talk to me, right?

And when I did

You told me it was

All in my mind

I was, on purpose,

Making life difficult for myself

I was being stubborn

Refusing to be happy

I am the shoulder you can lean on

And when I cried about

The loss of something

That meant the world to me

You told me to

Move on

This was just

Part and parcel of life

Friends tell each other everything

Is this why

I only found out about

That great big thing

That happened in your life

Through a status

You posted on Facebook?

I will always listen

Is this why

You didn't give me the space

I demanded from you

Over and over again?

Just let me in

I'm shutting you out now

And I won't take the blame

Because it's not me

It's all on you this time

And you ask me why I won't let you in

This is what people do

They barge in through the door
Leave behind a trail of
Muddy footprints
Let taps drip and drip and drip
Leave unwashed mugs and plates
In the sink
They sleep on beds you just made
Mix up your perfectly organized books
Shatter the silence with their voice
Disrupt the life you've made for yourself

And just as you begin to
Warm to their presence
Like them
Love them, even,
They walk out the door
Leaving behind
A mess for you to clean up

Fully booked

Don't you understand
That my heart
Has no space
To accommodate
Anyone else?

Do you not notice
There is no equivalent of a
'Rooms available' sign
For my heart
As if it were a motel?

Don't you see
How hard I'm pushing you away
Trying to be subtle, kind
But telling you
To leave?

Do you not know
That love
Of a romantic kind
To me
Is just a waste of time?

Why then
Do you keep banging on the door
Asking to be let in
Even though
You've been told to leave?

After a while

It becomes easy after a while

To pretend you're okay

So that no one knows

How much you are hurting inside

It becomes easy after a while

To lie, to smile

Make everyone believe

You are on cloud nine

It becomes easy after a while

To pretend the ground shakes no more

That your world is still

Quiet like it is for them

It becomes easy after a while

To stage a play

So that no one notices

When you slip away

Waves

It hits me in waves

This godawful truth that

You are gone

Without me

I worry sometimes
That I stripped you of
Any happiness
Smashed all your
Hopes and dreams
On the ground
Covering it with
Shards of glass
So you had to be careful
With every step you take
I worry sometimes
That you no longer smile
Your eyes no longer shine
You can no longer love

But then
Worse
I fear sometimes
That since I left you
On the side of the road
Like trash
You've built a life absent of any trace of me
That you've
Without me
Found happiness