Wednesday, September 29, 2021

cordial

 

I turned around to see him walk towards us that night

When the sky was clear and the seas were calm

We smiled, said hello

He sat a few seats away from me

No one knew there was a shared history between us

I wouldn’t blame him if even he didn’t remember

Sometimes, I forget too

As the hours passed by and our bodies

Soaked up all that alcohol

We spoke more freely, laughing

Until he had to leave, but by then

I was too drunk to remember anything

 

I remember that night because while I was still only tipsy

I wondered what it would be like if it was you

Instead of him

The two of us in the same room, no one knowing what you

Once meant to me

 

Truth be told

I don’t think I could do it

Smile and say hello

Laugh over drinks

Pretend things between us

Are resolved


Friday, September 24, 2021

Today

Nothing matters today
The loneliness is packed in a box
Gathering dust on a cupboard
The unhappiness
Swept under a rug
The hurt, the pain I carry on my shoulders
Sit in a corner of the room

Today, I get to breathe
Inhale and exhale
Without the usual tightness in my chest
Today, I can speak without choking over
My words
I can smile without it
Masking how I truly feel

Today is the kind of day
I must hold on to
And remember
On days when the universe isn't
This kind

Monday, September 20, 2021

iridescent (part 2)

I don't remember you like I used to
Moments that were once treasured
Now forgotten
Like most things of the past
And people too
But there was this one day
When it rained from morn to eve
So gloomy and cold
A day of hot tea
And warmth like I've not known since
On this gloomy day
You wore uncharacteristically bright colours
And when we went outside
Against the dark grey sky
Was a rainbow
I look back to this day
And realise just how much happiness
And perhaps even love
I let fall through my fingers

Thursday, September 16, 2021

Before the hopelessness sets in

Tell yourself a lie

Before the hopelessness sets in

Convince yourself that there is

Some truth to your words


These will anchor you

Help you keep your eyes on the shore

Even when the seas get rough

And skies cry and scream in agony


Tell yourself of the places you will visit someday

The man you will go on a date with

The drinks you will have with friends

Laughter, joy

A sense of belonging

Love


Tell yourself these lies

Before the hopelessness sets in

Before you find yourself

Staring at a wall for two hours

Feeling nothing

Saturday, September 11, 2021

yclept (part 2)

The first thing I thought of when I saw yclept
-the word we are supposed to write or doodle about today-
Was you
But of course, I wouldn't dare
You only belong here, you see

What's funny is that as I sat down, thinking about you
Trying to come up with an idea that wasn't connected to you
Your name showed up on my laptop screen
And even though it was someone else with the same name as you
It made me laugh

The universe sure has a wicked sense of humour

Wednesday, September 8, 2021

This one's for you

They say you should never date a writer

(And I suppose, an artist or a singer)

Because you will find yourself in their work

 

Something you did or said

Will be done or said by a character in a story

And another will sit hunched over a book

Or smile after that first sip of hot tea in the evening

Sit under a mango tree with their eyes closed

Share a slice of cake in a quiet cafe

Just the way you once did

 

But this is not what you need to fear

Finding yourself in a hundred different works of fiction

I'd say is one of the perks of dating a writer

 

What you do need to fear is the documentation

Of the pain you left them with

The heartbreak, the rejection, the betrayal

The inability to love thereafter

Finding raw emotion in their work

And knowing you are responsible for it

 

Knowing others know you are too

For it's not difficult to put one and one together

When suddenly your pictures are taken off their social media

And their words take on a sad tone

 

Now that is what you should fear

About dating a writer

(And I suppose, an artist or a singer)

Sunday, September 5, 2021

I'm so tired of this particular life

I'm so tired of this particular life

Whatever's good about it
I can't truly appreciate because I am consumed by a fear
Of losing it all
Of waking up one day and realising
None of those things had ever been mine

And whatever's bad about it?
Whatever's missing?
My mind uses it as ammo against me

You are useless because of that one thing you got wrong
No one will ever find you attractive. You are never enough
Pathetic really, that you still hope and yearn