Sunday, July 18, 2021

Pandemic

The day you died, Aiya and I stood near the gate
Waiting for the ambulance
We heard the siren first, then saw flashing lights
And watched the ambulance go past our road
Before finding its way to our house
Where, in your room, on your bed, you were dying

That night, for a brief moment, I wondered if the neighbours already knew
But stayed indoors with the lights switched off because it was too soon
Hearing an ambulance was so rare back then, just a few years ago
I wanted to apologize for the noise

Who'd have thought that today, a few years later,
I'd wake up to the sound of sirens
I'd hear them while having breakfast
Or enjoying a glass of thambili
I'd go to bed, hearing the siren get louder and louder and then quieter and quieter

Who'd have thought that we'd hear them so often
They'd blend into the noises of the neighborhood;
Other vehicles, mobile vendors, music, birds
And when an ambulance drives down our road
And drives back a few minutes later
We now wonder if we'd get off with a bit of quarantine or isolation
Or if we'd wake up to find white flags fluttering in the wind

Tuesday, July 6, 2021

Arrack and coke

Maybe someday
We can sit across from each other
You sipping a cup of coffee
Not questioning my choice of beverage
At 11.30 in the morning

You tell me about your life
As I bite off half a french fry
You tell me about your wife
And kids
And I think about how I never stopped loving you

Looking for the yeti

I should have clicked on your profile
Snooped
Made sure you were living the life you told me
You wanted
I had a valid excuse
It was you who made your way into my life
With that one post on a group we are both apparently members of
But I resisted
I scrolled down, refreshed the page
Never searched for it again
Never searched for you
Maybe I was too afraid
Of finding out you got what you wanted

Expiry date

I read an old diary today
A diary from back when I knew you
I only mention you once or twice
In passing
Nothing that would stand out
If the reader didn't know what you mean(t) to me
Maybe it was because I was too shy, too scared
To share with any prying eyes what you gave me
Or maybe our moments together weren't significant
Because I didn't know back then they came with a
Date of expiration

Sad human

The saddest story would be that
I've lost all interest in life
The days pass and I wouldn't even notice
None of them matter
None of this matters

I almost found comfort
Control in pain
Last week
But I didn't go ahead with it
It wasn't worth the effort.



(This spent a few weeks in drafts)

Warnings

No one ever warns you about heartbreak

They tell you to talk to that boy

Fall in love with someone

Settle for whatever it is you get

But they never tell you about the heartbreak

You are left with after gambling with your life

After giving your heart to another

The kind of pain that is sometimes a deep gash on your side

And sometimes skin tightening around a healing wound

And, on a rare occasion, a mild discomfort that goes unnoticed