There's a stage of heartbreak
When it feels physical
Like someone tore open your skin
And pulled out a still
- although barely -
Pulsating organ
You feel this so deep within you
That you must lie down
Focus on your breath
Press a fingernail
Into your wrist
Pull off clumps of hair
To remind yourself that
As the pain glows like embers
In the fresh cavity in your chest
You are still alive
You have not been spared
Shown any mercy
By this unkind universe
Finding something you thought you lost
In the same condition it was in
Fills you with a sense of hope
That everything else you lost along the way
Will be returned someday
Making your life whole again
The only thing that gives me comfort tonight
Is the knowledge that I'm ironically not alone
In feeling lonely
I want to be desired by someone
To feel like I can't breathe
Like my lungs can no longer function
I want someone to choose me
From a room full of people
To want me
To make me feel like someone
Worthy of being loved
I want my happiness to last longer
For it to not be mere moments
I can barely hold in my hand
I want happiness to last hours and days
Months and years
I want to be happy throughout my life
Wake up with feelings of hope and
Expectation
i wish you'd turned to me
and kissed me that day
in the dark
so no one could see
i wish you'd had the guts to do that
just so i wouldn't now be left with
memories with someone
i never cared for
You had a filter on
All this time
That turned you into this
Magical creature
You seemed too good
To be real
You seemed too pure
To walk this same earth
As the rest of us
And every word you uttered
Sounded like music
but now,
that magic has faded
and i see you
as you are
lips dark and dry
skin ashen
like furniture gathering dust in a corner
old and falling apart
and your voice
like chalk against the board
