What we've become

And not once do we ask each other
How we are
If we are happy with what
We've made out of our lives
We never talk about the past
The years spent apart
Our friendship resumes
Like we never pressed paused
Forgetting how our fingers hovered over the
Stop button
All those years ago

We know each other
That familiarity you so rarely find
With people

But do we really?
Do we really know each other?
Aren't we really just strangers
With a shared history from
Years ago?

Dust

You turned to dust in my hands
Stained my skin
Got in my eye
When the wind stirred you awake
But then you fell through my fingers
On to the ground
Joined the others
And I stomped on you
As I walked away

Nightmares

You used to scream in your sleep
A scream that got louder and louder
Until it would wake me up
And I would wake you up
And you would then stop screaming
And go back to sleep
On some days
You'd remember in the morning
"I screamed last night"

Now that you are gone
And I can't ask you these questions
I wonder what you were so afraid of
What made you scream
Two, three, four times a week
Was it something from your past
A past I knew in the most abstract sense
An incident when you were 30
A memory from your childhood

Or was it something else entirely
Was it a person that made you have those
Awful nightmares?
Does this face still walk among us?
I never asked
But I wish I did because now
I feel fear
Blooming in my heart

Love

The love we waste on people
That end up fucking us over
And hurting us like no one ever has
Can never be reimbursed in full
No matter how many receipts we keep
We can argue and plead
But that love is never coming back
So you, the one with some of the love I had to give
When I was young and fooling,
Find what isn't yours and
Bury it deep in an abandoned house
Or in a cemetery or by the sea
Bury it, if you can,
But please don't carry it with you

Dust

And so we leave
Each others lives
Sweeping away
All trace that we once
Knew each other

But in a corner
Of my mind
Among the dust
Collected over the years
A memory of you
Remains

Gifts from my parents

Do we ever get compensated
For the pain our parents cause us
Through their words and actions
The burning of skin after a slap
Or the arrow that pierces a heart
When made to feel worthless

Do we ever get a new start in life
Where we are no longer burdened
By our parents and everything they did
And didn't do
Every word they said
And didn't say

Do they at least apologize?
Do they ever accept blame?

Free

And maybe this is the sadness you left me with
Or perhaps it is the accumulated residue from those post-you years
When I tried hard and failed miserably to find
Something akin to what we had
But they didn't break my heart like you did
They merely disappointed and left me
Wanting and needing for so much more
Maybe this unhappiness that weighs me down
Cannot be traced to you at all
Maybe you are innocent, no crime committed
So is it time then that I set you free?

11:11

And like a child
I make a wish
That I know
Won't come true

Tired

I don't know what this is

But it bubbles to the surface

Rarely when I'm prepared

Never when I have the energy

And it leaves me deflated

Like a discarded balloon