ABC

I'm like a child
Struggling to learn
The alphabet
Because the ABC of pain
I just can't wrap my head around
And whenever I think
I've learned my lesson
Something from the
Deep and raw unknown
Of loss, grief, hurt
Knocks me to the ground
Spits on me
Kicks my sides
Laughs at me
As I struggle to breathe

Why'd you have to leave?

I need you here
To help me out of this rut
This cesspit of pain
That's been collecting since you left

I need you here
To get me back on my feet
To help me breathe
Ease the pain in my chest

I need you here
More than ever before
And my heart aches
Knowing you are never coming back

Distraction

I need someone

-Anyone would do at this point-

To make me forget all about you

Even if only for a moment

Because who'd have thought

The years would pass by

And I'd still be stuck

Thinking about you

Afraid

I was afraid because
He was an adult and I a child
And who would they believe
A little girl
Who could so easily be
Misreading a situation
They were too young to fully understand
Or an adult
A responsible one at that

I was afraid because
I was an adult and he a child
And they wouldn't believe this child
Was old enough to make a woman uncomfortable
Say such sexually explicit things
They would shame me for
Misreading the situation
Making things up

I was afraid because
I didn't want him near me
His hands on me
But he dismissed my resistance
And who would they believe
The significant other
Or the girl who didn't actually say no

I was

I am afraid because
I can't move
I feel trapped
Can't breathe
Everything
Is closing in
The walls
Him
Next to me
His sticky body
Right side
Pressed against my left
And please may it be a mistake
Maybe he's asleep
Maybe I'm taking too much space on this seat
If I say anything
The other passengers
Will they make it worse for me
Breathe in
Breathe out
Maybe I'm misreading the situation
Maybe I'm

I'm just so afraid