Please leave

I did everything I could
To remove you from my life
I deleted your number
Unfriended you on Facebook
Unfollowed you on Twitter
Deleted our chat history
I did everything I could
To remove you from my life
And yet you continue to haunt
The corridors of my heart

What's the use

Maybe nothing is worth it
And in the end
I'd have burnt myself out
For nothing
Maybe that's why we are fed
Lies about love
Passion, success
Goals and dreams
A future we have to
Dedicate our today for
Just so we would find strength
In those lies
To go on ahead
Fighting the pain
The exhaustion
So maybe someday
Hopefully soon
I'll wake up and see
All these sleepless nights
Tears cried
Words written, erased and written again
Were all for naught

#MeToo

Me too

I can't say out aloud

Still ashamed of the way

I was touched once

A long time ago

Me too

I whisper

Wondering why I'd felt so bad

When it was he who felt the urge

To expose himself

Like that

Me too

I say

Fighting the embarrassment

That fills me up so quickly

Whenever I remember

How he had rubbed against me

In a crowded bus

Me too

I shout

Even if it makes my throat hurt

Because I'm tired of the guilt

I've felt for crimes not mine

Tired of the silence

That lets them walk away scott free

Art

It's okay, love
Choose her
Over me
Don't feel bad
You aren't the first
And you won't be the last
Everyone chooses her
Over me
I'm the painting in a corner
People linger at for only a moment
Almost out of obligation
Before moving onto
What really is art

Fear

It scares me
How easily we adapt to the
Absence or loss
Of those we love

It scares me
How easily we adapted to
What our lives became
After you died

It scares me
How easily I may adapt to
What my life will become
When those that remain also leave

Struggle

Sometimes

I don't even bother sharing

These words that are a struggle to string together

Because who are we kidding

I write them for no one

But you

Promises

I keep making promises
To stop writing about
For you
And I keep breaking them
How could I not
When you broke that first promise of all
To not break my heart
But I guess
Promises were never binding between us

Untitled

(Note: I'm clearing up an Instagram account that was a massive failure. Didn't want to delete these posts without putting them up somewhere)

All I could do

Was ask you to stay

And all you could do

Was leave

.. .. .. .. ..

I forgot

What it was like to be

So completely alone

In this world

I forgot

What life was like

Without you

.. .. .. .. ..

I suppose

Your palm didn't sting

As much as my cheek burned

When you slapped me with the truth

.. .. .. .. ..

Why have you returned?

Is it to tear me apart

Like you did before

Expose me

Dump me on a rarely-traveled road

Leave me for the vultures?

.. .. .. .. ..

At a certain point

In the middle of the night

It gets so quiet

Surreal

That I can almost feel

Hands

Reaching around my neck from behind

And squeezing tightly

Filled to the brim

There's no more room in my heart to love another
Because you filled it to the brim before you left
I'm scared of losing even a single drop so I stand still
And pray to god you gave me enough to live

Blunt

Thank god the scissors were sharp
And not blunt like you
(Now don't flatter yourself
I was blunt as in straightforward
You were blunt as in opposite of sharp)
Because if the blades hadn't made a clean cut
Between you and I
I'd have chosen to ignore my wound
And bleed to death
Than talk with you again

Sorry to disappoint

You said you liked me as I was
The whole package, all of me
The cake, the icing, the good
The bad, the flaws, the weaknesses
So I bore it all to you
Naked as the day I was born
And you realized you were wrong
I wasn't who you thought I was
And as I was revealed to be
Angry
Vicious
Petty
Bitter
And every other thing
That tainted your image of me
I hoped for once the truth would work
That it was the lies that drove everyone away
But there was no use in disrobing, exposing
Because before I could even take a breath
Blink or bat an eyelid
You had gone so far away
Realizing you had come for the young girl in Little Red Riding Hood
But got instead the big bad wolf

Festering

when you'd just left

and the wound was still so fresh

I needed you to tell me

that soon

it wouldn't hurt that much

picture me dead

now that would hurt

this leave of absence I'm taking

you'll live through

you said

I swallowed your words

every one of them

being the stupid girl

I always was

with you

and now I can tell you

if you'd died

the wound in your name

festering on my skin

would have healed

a long time ago

Pre-loved

You said the books you once treasured

Are now pre-loved

Meaning

No longer loved

No longer needed

No longer wanted

You were making room

For new books

Casting away the older books

With their slightly yellowed pages

And creased spine

Dog-eared from those days

When you didn't believe in bookmarks

You were giving them away

To anyone willing to love

The pre-loved, once-loved

And you didn't have the guts to call them

Used

Secondhand

Waste of space

Abandoned

And I can't help worrying a little

If someday

You will cast me aside too

Use that godawful term

Pre-loved

Because you don't have the guts to say

Not loved anymore

Tenses

Those goddamn tenses
In language
Is
When it should be
Was
Such small words
Both of them
But no longer can I
Speak of you in the
Present tense
You took that from me
The day you died
Three years ago, almost
But I still forget

Unfair

Surely it's not fair

That our hearts ache for

Those who left us

A long time ago.

Dust

What is a poem if it doesn't rhyme
What is your love if it isn't mine
What is the sun if it doesn't shine


What are words if they don't bite
What is sight if there is no light
What are we, you and I


Nothing but dust
Nothing but ashes
Nothing but sand
Too fine to touch

S/M

I was told

You'd be good for me

Get my mind off

The past

Move on

It was time

But I cut you off

Like I would

A piece of paper

That needs to be cut

You backed off

Didn't even make any attempts

Good for you

Don't even try

And someday

If you feel hate

Anger

Towards me

For what I did

Casting you aside

Like you meant nothing

Know this:

I wanted only to

Spare you the pain

Of my sadistic ways

Where my heartbreak

Feeds off another's pain

My words like whips

Actions like paddles

Hot wax burning your skin

Hands cuffed so you can't stop me

Spreader bar between your legs

So you can't run

Gagged so you can't plead

Scream in pain, for help

Is that what you want

Because that's all I can give you

Or are you a masochist

The yin to my yang?