2015

January
I turned twenty-one
And thought
Life would be better
When you are that age
I didn't know then
How wrong I was

February
I strangely
Don't remember
Much of February
I remember Independence Day
And working when
Not many were at office
But I have no other memories
Of that month

March
I wish March
Never happened

April
What is Avurudhu
When you will never again
Eat your favorite pol-toffee
Made by your favorite person?

May
Vesak lanterns
Make any house
Feel warm
Safe
Like home

June
Whatever happened in June
I no longer remember
Maybe it was one of those
Insignificant months

July
We didn't want a celebration
Because of what we'd lost
But you turned it into one
Even though it wasn't even your day to celebrate

August
Maybe August was when we
Finally stopped talking
I don't remember

Sorry.

September
No more surprises
Gifts and cards
Remember the paper cranes I made you last year?
You stole their wings and flew away from us

October
I was told
Nothing mattered
Because sometimes
What you do isn't enough

November
I quit
And lost a home
I quit
And lost a lot

But I wrote
Turned feelings into words
That's the one thing
You can't take from me

December
A month of
New friendships
Happiness
Feeling lost
And being found

2015
365 days
12 months
You weren't the best
But you weren't the worst

2016
New year, new life?
No
Same life. Same me.
Different year

The Bra

Flung at a singer

During a concert

The Bra is now

Causing much havoc

The president makes

An issue out of nothing

People defend The Bra

Make it a laughing matter

Others argue

The president is right

We aren't a culture

Of bra-slingers

A girl who displays such

Immodest behavior

Is a curse to this country

That clearly values its women

While all this happens

On a lonely road

A man is quick to pretend

To urinate against a wall

And as a woman

Too tired to walk fast

Passes him by

He turns to show her his dick

While all this happens

A girl seated in a bus

Feels a man rubbing

Against her shoulder

She looks up at him

And he grins

As if to say

'Enjoy this ride'

While all this happens

A woman is pinned down

Her clothes are torn

Ripped to shreds

Her body is exposed

Covered in fear

But they don't care

As they thrust and thrust

While all this happens

A young boy is told

It's okay to have his

Privates exposed

He doesn't know

What to do

Because she is an adult

So he closes his eyes and pretends

Everything is alright

While all this happens

The real monsters in this world

Continue to attack

The innocent

While all this happens

Their screams aren't heard

Everyone's too busy

Replacing song lyrics with bra

While all this happens

Justice bids goodbye

Clearly the authorities

Have different priorities 

Nuisance

You tell me to stop being a pain in the ass
And so I apologize
And disappear
And be one with the shadows
So that no more do you have to
Put up with me
And yes, it's just that easy for me
To disappear

But what you forget is
How I never told you to go away
Whenever you remembered me
After days, weeks, of forgetting
And then too,
Only because you needed something from me

What you forget is
How I never refused to listen to you
When you needed someone to talk to
And no one else,
None of your friends
Had time for you

What you forget is
How I stood by you
Through everything in life
Even though,
Not once did you notice me
Unless you needed someone
And all you had was me

But it's okay,
I understand
Some of us just aren't enough
We are too ordinary
So plain
And so we disappear
As soon as someone commands us to
And we don't mind
Because we are used to it
After years and years
Of being told
We are a pain in the ass

You aren't the first to tell me
And I know
You won't be the last to tell me
I'm a nuisance

But since we are talking firsts
You may also want to know that

You won't be the first
Or the last
To realize
Only when it is too late
Just how much
You needed me

Needed? Wanted? Used.

You ask me to

Please do just this

One thing

For you

And I don't refuse

To do so

Because I believe

I truly do

Foolishly

And falsely

That you need me

And I can't ignore

Or reject need

Just like I can't

Ignore or reject

Want

When it's your wants

And your needs

And they are

Your wants

And your needs

From me

So I say yes to you

Like I always do

And I go do

Whatever it is

You want me to

But there's a little voice

That keeps telling me

What I now know

Is the truth

It is the same voice that told me

That unrequited love

Is all I'll ever have

That wants and needs

Are of the service

And not the person

Providing the service

And now

That same voice tells me

You don't want me

You don't need me

You are simply

Using me

Game over.

I knew

It was all over

This game I thought

We were playing

When your phone buzzed

And your eyes lit up

And you smiled

That all-teeth smile

When you saw

Who was calling

Birds

There was once

A free bird

And he flew over

Mountains

And valleys

He saw fields

Of paddy

And rivers of

Clear blue water

And he saw how nature

Took hold

And life was lived

Days unfold

He saw people

And animals

Plants

And sand

He saw waves

Crashing into

Each other

He watched as lightning

Struck and shook

The world

As wind blew away

What remained

But each day

He flew back to

The caged bird

That he loved

And he told her

In great detail

Everything he

Had seen

And she lived through

His words

Imagined places

She would never be to

Never see

She saw the world outside

Her cage

Even if

They were through

The free bird's

Words

But then

One day

The caged bird

Waited

And she waited

And she waited

But that day

The free bird

Never flew back

Nor did he

The next day

And so the caged bird

Never saw the world

Again

Except the plain grey

Walls

Around her

Caged

Barred

Life.

Run for their lives

Run for their lives


But stop to think


Whose lives you are running for

When you proudly wear


The free tshirt


Remember the people around the globe


Who don’t have clothes to keep them warm

When you take selfie after selfie


And pose for photographs


Do you ask yourself


What purpose they serve?

Do you know what people go through


How much they suffer


And how many die of illness?

Do you only lend a helping hand


Or a few rupees


If you’ll get tagged in


Pictures later?

Smile all you want


But look for the smiles


On the faces of the lives you are running for


On the poorest of faces


Do you see them?


On the sickest of faces


Do you see them?

Run for their lives


But stop to think


Whose lives you are running for

No letters for us

The red postbox

The green postbox

Letters inside

Unopened

Stamped

So far away

From their

Destination

Scribbled

On the envelope

And a crow lands

On top of

The green postbox

And asks

"No letters for me?

No letters for me?"

And the postbox answers

"Never for us

Never for us"

You.

Don't flatter yourself

These poems aren't about you

And they sure as hell aren't

For you

The Truth.

Not much stops me from telling you the truth and leaving the great unknown

You can ignore the truth or acknowledge it, it’s all up to you

Not much stops me from being honest and giving you the power to make a choice

You can break my heart or be my world, it won’t depend on me

Then why don’t I just let go of this truth that makes my life feel heavier than it should?

All it will take are three words, three simple words

Then why don’t I just tell you how I feel and stop worrying about how you may feel?

All it will take is a small effort and I would have taken the first step

It’ll be so goddamn easy to tell you

And it will be so goddamn easy to have my heart broken

But if it’s easy

Then it’s not worth it

It’ll be so goddamn easy to tell you

But I don’t because, the truth is

I’m too afraid of knowing another truth

Not my own, but yours

A truth that is as simple as my three word truth

A truth that is the complete opposite of how I feel

A truth that will be like an anvil that lands on me

A truth that will crush me more than you would think it would

And so I swallow my words and smile at you

Even when you look at me and say, ‘friends?’

And of course, I feel that anvil on me

Even as I said, ‘friends.’

Not enough

Insufficient
That's what I am
I'm not good enough
I'm never enough

I'm not fair enough
I'm not thin enough
My hair is too messy
And I don't talk enough
I should party more
Just have more fun
Because I don't have
Enough of a life

My grades aren't that good
I'm not creative enough
A personal blog doesn't count
These poems don't either

I don't follow enough people
To be famous on Twitter
I don't have enough friends
To be cool on Facebook

I can't take selfies
And so I get no likes
The boys don't even notice me
I might as well be invisible

I'm not enough
But they tell me I can be
The only problem is
I don't care enough
To be someone I'm not

She thought he loved her

She thought he loved her
Because he would smile at her
From the other side of the room
And when he walked towards her
She felt the rest of the world
Fade away

She thought he loved her
Because he was always there
And he made sure she wasn't alone
And when she knew no one in a crowd
He would never hesitate to
Rescue her

She thought he loved her
Because they liked the same books
And talked about them
Until the sun bid the world goodbye
And it was too dark to see
Anything,
Not even each other

She thought he loved her
Because he was nice and helpful
And went out of his way
To make sure
She had everything she needed

She thought he loved her
Because it made no sense for him not to
And everything would be perfect
If he did

She thought he loved her
Because she loved him
And the fairy tales told her that
That was enough

She thought he loved her
Until she told him
He said they were 'just friends'
And suddenly nothing made any more sense to her

Invisible

Selfie after selfie she posts
In her Instagram with the weird username
And people tell her she’s pretty
They like her pictures
And compliment
Although some call her a slut
Even though she isn’t
And she tells you why she doesn’t pair
Those pants with that top
Because it makes her look
Like she’s out to get some
Even though she isn’t
Not that night
Not ever
And she covers her face in makeup
For the cheeks, lips, for her eyes
And they call her beautiful
And her outfits, they are cool
But nobody sees beneath those filters
The empty room she sits in
Frowning except when
Taking a picture
Wearing clothes she will never wear again
Because she has no where to go
Can only be in her bedroom
And they like her because she doesn’t wear bands in her hair
But a scarf around her neck
And bands on her writes
And they don’t see what she’s hiding
All those marks
And the loneliness
The prison that’s her room
Because she looks like she’s on her way to a party
But she never gets invited
And even if she does
She can’t make it out the door
And so she stays indoors
And those comments they leave
On her photographs,
They make her smile
They let her know
She’s beautiful
And that makes her smile
But no one sees that smile
Her real smile
Because it’s invisible
Like she is
Invisible

Your love.

You wrote pages and pages
About how much you love me
Lit them on fire
And said
This is what I'll do to your love

You took a wire scrub
Scraped it against a nonstick pan
Again and again
And said
This is what I'll do to your heart

You brought home a plant
Promised to take care of it
Never watered it
Let it die
And said
This is what I'll do to you

You painted a canvas
In a million different colors
Then splashed black paint on it
And said
This is what my love is like

And I
I collected the ashes
Of your love letter
I threw away the wire scrub
Painted the pan
I bought a new plant
Watered it every day
I let the paint dry
Put up the black painting on a wall

And I
I gave you all my love
So you could burn it all
I gave you my heart
So you could break it
I gave you my life
So you could end it if you wanted to
I gave you everything
Knowing I'll get nothing in return

Happy endings

‘And they lived happily ever after’

The author wrote

Scribbling ‘The End’

Right after

He then

Collected the sheets of paper

Covered in type-writer letter

Carrying a story of great delusion

Of love and happiness

And he stapled them together

Looked at the manuscript

His first and last novel

Facts twisted and distorted

Until all that remained were

Only the good

And not the truth

And he walked to the kitchen

Of his pol-athu pale

Rolled the paper

Of his story

Placed them neatly in the

Dara lipa

Lit them on fire

Boiled some water

Made some tea

Sipped it and pictured

What his life would be like

If there was a fairytale ending

Like his now burnt

Story did

Wish upon a (dead) star

Words stem from the deepest corners of our hearts and minds

And thus its natural to assume they are coated in truth

Yet, how much of our words are of fictional words

And how many are in fact of the mundane reality that is life?

So when I write about love, please believe me

Those are feelings that only exist in this world online

And no matter how many words I write,

The make-believe will never become reality

And an infinite time you may wish

Upon stars that died a million years ago

But your wildest dreams, the impossible

Will join stars in unreachable abyss

But dream and dream and love with an open heart

Because maybe there is a star that survived

And just one wish will be heard and granted

And the love you wish for will be more than fantasy

Faceless woman

A faceless woman
Stands behind glass
Clad in sari
In elegant pose
People look
Some stare
Others ignore
Or don't notice
But they breathe in
And they breathe out
Living and living
In their plain clothes
The faceless woman
Her sari glistened
Sequined border and
Deep neckline
But she doesn't see
The beauty of garment
For she's on display
And can't enjoy
But others do
In their ordinary clothes
For a moment envious of the
Sari-clad mannequin

Paper plane

If there were words to describe just how I feel

I would write them all to you

And you will struggle to read what they are

Because the ink will bleed into each letter

Connecting them like our hearts

And you will know exactly how I feel

But there are no words, no matter how hard I look

No dictionary contains the definition of my emotions

And so I give you a white blank page

A pen that hasn’t dropped a single drop of ink

And you look at paper crumpled

And see no words

So you give it back to me and walk away

Away, away

And I,

I can’t say a word

So all I do is watch you go

And with the white blank paper

I make a paper plane

That flies and flies

Away with my love